Thursday, February 28, 2013

My Better Half

A week had passed since Valentine. I hadn't put the words again in my mind. We had another regular week. He was going to go to countries in South Asia for work. He would left on February 22nd for 10 days. Knowing that we would miss each other so bad, we planned to have lunch date a day before.

It was Pepenero, a Italian restaurant which was located in the same building with my office, that would be our venue to have this lunch date. On 12 pm, he texted me to go there first and to order our regular menu, a Classic Margherita Pizza and a portion of Aglio e Olio (the name of this blog also came from this our favorite Italian dish). Oh, lemme tell you, he is a vegetarian. He can't eat any meat, for it can cause him stomach trouble.

Fifteen minutes later, he arrived. He ate so fast for he was so hungry, he said. It was lovely to watch him eat. He often grouch how fat he is and he become. As it for me, it doesn't matter. I love him for what he is. I wish he knew that.

Again, the no-one's-boyfriend-sentence came to the surface. I forgot what we were talking about and it just came out. Then he played with his iPhone. I was silent. I was thinking should I ask him now.

Then there was this moment, I felt my heart beat faster than ever, the words came out from my mouth unstructured. It was lame, I admitted, yet it was spontaneous.

"Why don't you be mine now?"
"Uh huh?"
"Would you be mine now?"
"Just that?"

Damn!!! I knew he hoped for more, not just a spontaneous unplanned proposal like this. Stupid, I said to myself. And he didn't answered. We went to buy Starbucks, and then I went with him to his car.

We had a long deep kiss before he left. Still without answering my proposal.

I tried to calm myself after that, I could try better next time, of course with a planning. I wanted him so bad. I wanted him to be mine.

I went back to my desk to work. Couple minutes later, I saw a Path notification on my iPhone. I opened my Path and read his writing, saying

K : BYE Single :) - with H

Was that an answer? I asked him on the commentary. It was funny since his friends already congratulated him and I was still in confusion. Then he said, 'It is :)'

Well, it made it official, right? It was the lamest proposal but with the happiest result. It was the longest time I'd been close to someone before we made it official. And I hope it will be forever last.

And since that time, February 21st 2013, I could call him my better half.

I'm About to Sail but....

"I'm no one's!"

That was one joking sentence he often said while we were talking. It underlined the fact that we were not committed yet that time. We needed each other, we missed each other, we 'baby'ed each other, we enjoyed each other company, but again, the fact that I had not asked him to be mine, might confused him.

Ah, I wished he'd known that my heart was his. All I needed was just time. It was selfish, I knew. But then what I did was for him. He made me smile a lot and I wanted to return the favor even more. Starting a committed relationship was my goal. I wouldn't even start to let myself fall for him if it wasn't my intention.

Then there was Valentine Day. He asked me to manage a dinner, a romantic one, just the two of us. Well, I wasn't a fan of Valentine. For me, every day with him was Valentine. But sure, I respected what he wanted. If it could make him smile even wider, why not? 

Finding a present wasn't easy. I wanted to buy him a pocket camera at first, but I just had one day to find the best camera with affordable price. I asked my friends and I had one in mind. But then it wasn't in any stores. 

I was browsing my facebook account when I saw an ad about perfume. Voila! Why didn't I buy him one? The one he liked the most, Diesel. It was easier after that. I bought it online, and the next day, the perfume was in my hand.

***

There was 3 in 1 rules for main roads in Jakarta which obliged us to have at least 3 people in a car on heavy-traffic hours. So we hit the gym before we had dinner that night. 

Luna Negra was one of many restaurants with good ambient. I picked the place because it wasn't too crowded and people would not pay attention on other's business. I starred at him during that romantic dinner, and found how adorable he was. My heart knew I had fallen for him so deep.

After an amazing dinner, we went back to his car. We exchanged presents we had. And he got me Zara shirt, the one that I wanted for some time. A very thoughtful of his. Thank you, dear.... hope you like what I gave you.

I hugged him, I kissed him. I let myself drown in him. And that moment, I wanted ask him to be mine. I arranged the words as fast as I could, but when finally those words was on the tip of my tongue, he let go his embrace, saying, "Let's go home! It's late.", and started to drive.

I just nod, and thought "Yeah, I guess it can wait, however you are my Valentine".

The Journey Continued

Though our relationship got stronger each day after that Christmas eve and I cared about him a lot, there were times I doubt that he shared mutual feeling toward me. Those were the times I felt fragile, I felt inferior. I didn't trust what he felt. I led myself to doubts.

Something pulled me, something dragged me not to go for him. It was my fear. Fear that I would be broken once again. I cried couple times when he did not do something I wanted him to do. It broke my heart when he seemed not willing to do simple things for me. I went too far. I demanded a lot.

But then I realized, it shouldn't be like that. I deserved to love. I deserved to feel happy again, not that I am saying I wasn't happy, but you know, like I said, my fear warned me not to fall into deep. And more, he deserved to be happy.

Then I started to really open up to him. His charm possessed me. His beauty enchanted me. My feeling grew faster than I realized.

Last year my family finally accepted me as a gay. And his family did too. It made things a little bit easier for us, I supposed. We talked about marriage, having kids, moving out to Bali. I planned to live in Bali months before, and having this plan with him was so amazing. Beyond words. Sharing these dreams strengthened my hope to be with him.

And then there was this financial problem. His. Not that it reduced the affection I had for him, it just made me under stressful condition. But thank God, we were able to solve it. Not really solve it, even by this time, but at least, we were heading to it. We are still working on it. Hard. Hopefully, we will be able to manage this financial issue.

Days went by days. We grew to each other. We were trusting each other. I knew my days will be filled with his presence. And so did his.

And It Went On

After playing cards, joking and laughing here and there, we decided to call it a night after 2 am. Since there were only 2 rooms in that villa, I shared my bed with him and my other friend. I immediately fell asleep, and later in the middle of the night I woke up, I didn't know why.

I opened my eyes and saw him didn't sleep as well. I moved closer to him. I hugged him. Again, please blame my adrenaline! No doubt, we kissed again. This time, it was passionate. The bed shook a bit when we rolled and rolled. Afraid of waking up my friend, I stopped and we tried to catch some sleep, of course hugging him. I felt overwhelmed.

***

We went home after lunch. I hugged him from the back seat on our way home. Later I knew, my gestures moved him. He thought that I was not afraid to express my love publicly. And he was moved by that.

Not much happen after that until the next day. 

It was 24th. Actually I had offered him to go with me to my church on Christmas Eve. He was a fan of Christmas songs, especially Buble's. After what happened in Puncak, I doubt he still considered to this plan. So I asked him again whether he wanted to go or not. And surprisingly he said yes. 

I expected it would be awkward. As I could tell you, he was the one with all those high standards of men he would be dating, and me, of gosh, I was asking myself 'Who Am I?'. You can explore his standards here. And to make it worse, I just read his writing not long before this happened.

But it went well. Smoother than I expected. We went on a lunch date, which was continued with movie date, with his hand in mine along the movie. It was fun. We talked a lot. And I started to have feeling for him on Christmas Eve services. I saw him singing Christmas song so damn well. He followed the rituals respectfully. He is not a Christian, but he did better than one. He even asked me to put down my blackberry.

It didn't end there. Dinner was in line. Late dinner with friends also followed. It was 3 am when I took him home. It was a super tiring day, yet fun and enjoyable. I loved that day. I loved that day I started to fall for him, a man whom is now my better half. 

It Started on A Weekend

Our story began on one weekend in the end of December 2012.

It was the 20th, two days before weekend, when I asked him to join me and my friends to go to Puncak, spending weekend there. It was a friend-to-friend invitation. I had no intention to get close to him, since I had a crush on someone else. Yes, I also asked that someone to come.

Later on that day, that someone canceled. Well, he wasn't interested since the beginning.

Long story short, we went to Puncak that weekend, me, him and my other 4 friends. I was surprised when I saw him. As long as I remembered, I met him 3 or 4 months before, he was not that big, thin and... yeah thin. It was decided that he would be driving since he didn't want to huddle in back seat.

It was a pretty long journey because of the traffic. We stopped by at Cimory to have lunch. We shared our food and it was the moment I suddenly felt close to him. No, not because we shared food. Ah.. I didn't know. Maybe it was just because of the weather, LOL.

Arriving at a villa we'd booked before, we decided to relax for a while. He went to one of two rooms there and just laid down. Couple minutes later, I went to his room and found out he wasn't sleeping. Then we talked. That time I felt that his gestures somehow showed me that he wanted to be kissed. My heart beat fast. I didn't know what to do. Part of me wanted to kiss him, but I also thought it would be a mistake.

I was able to hold my emotion. But exactly not long enough. My blood rushed in my vein and it urged me to kiss him and, yes, I kissed him. Slowly and soft. A pretty long one. And my heart wouldn't stop beating fast.