Coming out to family is the hardest. Believe me it is. Telling your mom about you being gay is hard, but the consequences after those moments will be killing you, at least until you have their blessing.
9 years ago I was dumped, my ex boyfriend cheated on me. In my desperation, too naive and being guilty by being gay, I told my mom that I had made a mistake. I thought I could change myself to be 'normal' and my family could help me.
That time my mom and dad calmed me. They said that it was okay to make mistake. They said they loved me for whoever I was. But since then, it was never the same. My parents, especially my mom got easily paranoid if I hung out with my guy friends (no matter they were gays or not, well yeah most of the times they were).
I, in other hand, realized that being with guy is my 'normal' thing. Telling my mom that I was trying to be straight while I hid my meeting with guys. But I wasn't good in covering my tracks. Some of those times my mom would wrote me a long letter or called me at night to tell me that she was worried and she knew that I dated guys.
It was getting worse. Trying not to make my mom worry, I kept distance with my mom. I was alone. I felt uncomfort. It went for almost 9 years.
Then someday my mom asked me why I had been so far from her. I was on my way to office. It broke my heart. Then I told her at the phone that I was really gay, I couldn't be normal, that I wish I were. I was seeing someone and I wish my mom could accept me for who I was.
And she told me that she was willing to try to accept me. She asked me to bring my boyfriend (he is my ex now) home to be introduced to her.
After that, it was getting easier. Convincing my dad and my sister was easier. Much easier.
I was relieved. I had waited for 9 years and I didn't see any light.
My mom loves me. She never stops loving me. And I believed yours too. When you decide to come out, give her time. Don't be so hard on her. Accepting who you really are may be not that hard, but she has to embrace the world around her too. She has to be ready to face its reaction to the fact that her son is gay.
Before you come out of the closet, ask yourself what you want to be in the future. If you want to have a 'normal' family, I don't think you should come out. Because if you do so, you just bring your parents more burden to carry.
People tend to forget that coming out is not about yourself, it is about your family too. It's not only about "this is me, this is who I really am", but it is also about accepting the reality that your family may not be ready for who you really are.
Maybe you have spent your whole life hiding in a closet and you think you deserve an avowal for who you are. But your family, especially your parents also deserve the same thing. Believe me you won't be happy until you have your parents' blessing.
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