Thursday, August 29, 2013

Manly or Girly?

Another thing that tickles me and makes me wanna write is, again about acceptance.

Well, as we all know, we, gays, are trying hard so that people can accept us for who we really are. Marriage equality has been fought everywhere. Some of them gain succeed, some of them gain nothing. But we are still trying. We keep fighting for our rights. 

As a person, we do have our own fight about acceptance. There are times when we deal with hard times to convince people around us that we are not sick, that these are who we are. 

Those fights mean a lot for some of us, most of us. But ironically, in the same time, we are so hard on some people, even people like us.

A friend of mine, gay, said that gays should be manly or at least act less girly. Why? Because gays are men. Well, we are men, we should like girls instead other men, right? 

What about them, whose paradigms is they were born in the wrong bodies? A girl inside a boy? Regardless of whether it's wrong or right, we are not supposed to change them.

Then he said that if they are really willing to change (to be more masculine in the way they think and act), they can do it. The thing is, the same sentence had been said to us long ago, to me at least. My mom said to me once that if I really tried to like girls, I could. 

My point is, why don't we try to accept others' paradigm? We know how it feels to be judged, not to be accepted, and now when we are accepted, the least we can do is accepting others too. We owe them that much.

Friday, August 23, 2013

Rainbow and Butterflies

I was watching another tv series when my better half texted me. He said he was reading an article about Cheyenne Jackson in Gay Times magazine.

He said it was weird. It was said that Cheyenne and his partner, Monte Lapka had been together for 13 years and been married for almost 2 years. But when he browsed the internet he found that they just divorced. I said, "Wow."

My double-u-word wasn't because the magazine or the internet could be wrong about the story, but more because of how they could divorce after 13 years of togetherness. 

My relationship with K had stepped for its 6 months last Wednesday. It was nothing compared to what Jackson and Lapka had. So that it somehow frightened me, it brought me to what reality was. I mean, I don't live in a dream, I am living my dream. It reminded me that the sweetest dream could still be destroyed no matter how long you had been keeping tab on it.

I agreed to what Cheyenne said, "We are a team and you get through shit together. But relationship are not always rainbow and butterflies; sometimes you just want them to stop breathing because they're so annoying. Other times you can't get enough of them".

It was nice yet true. I might not get the whole story, but my idealistic mind wondered how a man that had reached that level of thoughts decided to live separately with his 13-years-partner.

Again, I might not know what they really faced. I revolted when I heard their story. It was sad. I just prayed not to face what they faced, but if we had to, we could deal with it differently, so none of us would say what Cheyenne described, "My life is great  ... It's sad right now because we're both going through something that's really painful, but that's life."

Best of luck for Mr. Jackson and Mr. Lapka.

Monday, August 12, 2013

Bored? What's that?

Long time ago if you asked me what my romantic dream was, I would say walking down along a beach while holding my loved one. 

Couple days ago, I realized I had conquered that dream. I walked barefoot along Sawarna beach, holding my better half's arm. I told him that it was once my dream. Looking at his face, exposed by the shiny of the dusk, I knew he was and he would be the only one. Then a bad thought came in.

I asked him, "Beb?"
"Hmmm," he said.
"Have you ever feel bored of this relationship?"
"Bored? I don't think bored ever crossed my mind when it comes to you".

My heart exploded. What he said was true. I never feel bored. I always miss him when he's not around although we live together. 

I never feel this feeling before. I don't exaggerate it. I never feel I am so comfortable with someone after 5 months. 

I kiss him more these days, and he hugs me more. We sleep in each other's arms. I wake up to him every single morning. 

I am blessed. I am loved. I could ask no more. 

So what's the point of this post? I don't know. I just wanna remember this time I guess. I just wanna write my feelings here so someday when I look back, I know how much I love him and how much he loves me. 

Thursday, August 1, 2013


Last Monday, I realized I just lost my gym shoes. I couldn't remember where I put them before. But the biggest possibilities was I left them at gym. 

So later in the afternoon, I went to Celebrity Fitness and asked the customer service if they found my gym shoes. The customer service guy came back with two pairs of gym shoes. One pair was pink, clearly they were ladies shoes and the other was a pair of big blue sport shoes, not smaller than 43 size. I didn't know what he thought, but how could possibly they were mine? So I just thankrf him and took a shower.

The day after I attended an iftar that was held by my office's vendor. I was sick but I pushed my self to come to respect the organizer. In the end of the dinner, my name was taken from a raffle box and I got a pocket digital camera. The next day, I sold it for IDR 900 K. 

The money I got from the camera was more than enough to buy a pair of gym shoes and a shoe bag. 

Lucky? Pure coincidence? 
My better half's tattoo says "Rien' arrive par hasard". As it for me, I believe in Ecclesiastes 3:11.