First Anniversary

Dear K,

It took some moments for me to write this. I wanted to post a poem, but I realized and it surprised me a bit that somehow I wrote poems only on sad moments. I'd tried hard, but there was no idea. So, I decided not to make one.

It's our first anniversary. Congratulations is in order for us, I guess, LOL.

I remember 15 months ago when I started being close with you. It surely wasn't love at first sight, because I met you before. Both of us had never thought that we would be together. And as you said, we became close because we felt comfort at each other's presence. We felt that we were genuine to each other. And after some conversations, we knew that we shared common dreams. So I think these three, comfort, genuineness and dreams that brought us together.

After spending some weekends (and couple of weekdays) together, we knew that we wanted to reach our dreams together, to build a real relationship. We didn't want to rush this, each of us wanted to be sure that we were meant to be, that we were fit together. It wasn't smooth, the road that we took. It was 3-months of laughter, joy, tears, dreams, shouts, cuddles, offensive-defensive, hopes and love-growth.  

A year ago, February 21st, I knew our time had come. An awkward proposal made us together, put grins on our faces (well, at least on mine) for a whole day. It was easy-uneasy relationship since. The fights became more intense, especially when it came to our preparation to live in one place. Amazingly we survived that because it wasn't only arguments and differences that came to our relationship but this relationship also brought understanding and stronger bond that united us. I believed that commitment that we planted in our hearts worked in every step of our ways.

Four months later I woke up to you every morning (except for those times you were abroad, works matter). Days of laughter, days of tears, days of fights and make-ups filled our home, our home sweet home. We learned how to work this relationship. We learned each other's habit. We shared chores.

Until this day, we still have our differences, we still have arguments here and there, but I do believe that we have a healthy relationship, a strong one that I hope will last forever. We support, we hold and we are there for each other. For one reason and one reason only, we are committed to each other. And by this commitment, our love grows each and every second of our lives. It grows every single pull of our breath.

Our bond and our story ain't a prince-prince fairytale. It wasn't a lullaby your mom sang you every night. But it is a happy one.   

I don't fancy nor glamourize this anniversary, I'd rather use this moment to be thankful for the journey we have been traversing together. I can't ever thank God enough for every thing that happen to me, to us. And I may never thank you enough for every happiness that you bring in my life. You were, you are and you will be always the love of my life.

Happy Anniversary, Love. I wish us more happiness and dreams for both of us.

I am proud to call you my better-half and I am proud you are my better half.

With love that never goes out,

H.

Fight!

How's your Valentine?

Mine was fine. Having 3 packs of instant noodle, not in a fancy restaurant (please don't try to make any reservation, even for 2, in the last minutes, it won't work, lesson learned, LOL), but in our home sweet home, was more than enough for us. The love and happiness was in the air. Hope your Valentine as good as ours, whatever you had, wherever you had it.

Valentine brought love and hope, hopefully. Many people used this moment to declare their love, to start a commitment, to have a new life. It was beautiful (though it was kinda old-skul, hahaha). The thing was they did it, sometimes just because it was the trend. The question was "Are you ready?"

Some of my closest fellas might be annoyed and bored when I told them that we had to had a fight, at least once, before we decided to be together. As harsh as it may sounds, I believe it is the true thing.

Let me put it this way. When someone approaches you and you have the same feeling with him, you may feel that the moments you have with him are the best. You spend time kissing, hugging, holding hands in movies, having romantic dinners, laughing on each other's joke and so on and so on. Then, in no time, he or you will propose, and the other will say yes. The romantic moments will continue for 2 or 3 months, and then BAM!  The honeymoon period is over. You will be back to reality. There are two heads in your relationship. You can't really be 'free'. You can't make decision by your own. You will eventually have disagreements. You realize that he is not he used to be, he is not what you expect him to be. And you have no idea how to deal with it. And you are too late to step back.

Having disagreement before you are committed is important (at least from my point of view). How you and your partner deal with it is crucial in a relationship. It shows how your partner reacts to a problem, it measures how mature he is (of course it works vice versa). And more importantly, it shows whether he is acceptable for your 'standards' or not. Though you may say that you have no criteria whatsoever for someone whom will be your partner, you have expectations of what he is. This disagreement shows that somehow he doesn't meet your expectation. 
These questions might help you when you fight:

- Are we solving the problem, or are we making it worse?

- Am I listening to what he says and he is to mine?

- Has he crossed the line? 
- Can I accept him for he is now? 
- Am I ready to deal with this unexceptional thing in the future? 

I said before in my previous posts that we have to learn to accept our partner for whatever he is, but it ain't the same at this level. You are not committed to this guy, yet. You can't force yourself to accept this guy for whatever he is at this stage, there's a plenty of time later when you are committed. This is the time when you ask yourself about that. If you can't, then he might not be suitable for you. 

Arguments and fights are common things between two people.  In a relationship you can expect to have more arguments, disagreements, and fights than before you are committed to each other. 

A "Yes, I will" is not the end. It's a start of a long journey. It is a start where both of you work with two heads, because there will be no you nor me, there will be only us. It won't be easy. But it will be easier if you know who you are dealing with. 

Will You Be My Valentine?

--- In the ------------------------ dark of ---

--- night, when ---------------- I could not feel ---

--- nor walk, nor even ------- see. You came to ---

--- me, gave me a gently hug. Lifted and warmed me ---

--- up then guided me to the light. I was so fragile that ---

--- you carried me carefully, you showed me your love ---

--- in your every single step. Your charm, your sincere, ---

--- your understanding had driven my heart to you. ---

--- Then, when the morning came I could see your ---

--- face. Look into your eyes. And I found love ---

--- that I had searched for years. Now, in ---

--- this beautiful day I wonder, ---

--- once again, ‘Will you be ---

--- my Valentine’ ---

--- for now and ---

--- 4ever ---

--- ? ---

---

Written by Me, February 2004

Maybe He's Not Right For You

Path is one of many social medias that I get myself into lately. Most of my path friends like to share quotes. It is mostly about love. It was fine, totally fine with me. I enjoyed every quotes until I realized something. It was about how people would change for his loved one. It was about what someone would do for his loved one. Each quote itself was not wrong. But I question the motivation behind posting those quotes. Instead of addressing ourselves, we address those quotes to others. Worse it satirized others. It is like we are saying that we are deserved to be treated as in those words. We forget that others also deserve to be treated the same way.

A friend of mine, C, was in 'love'. He was approached by a guy named L. He felt comfortable with his companion. It was lovely, ain't it? But there was this thing. This L guy ain't as serious as he said about relationship. Most of the times they spent apart, this guy failed to keep the communication between them. Either he didn't have his phone along with him or he was too busy with his job, so he said.

Once he was sorry, because C kept waiting. But the next days, it happened again, over and over. It was tiring for C. Then he asked L to change. He began to set rules between them. (I happened to read their texts.) 

L : "Thanks for waiting for me."

C : "As long as you know, I did wait you 'til you reached home. Don't spend those times having fun."

L : "It's nice for you to do this for me. But you shouldn't do this if it makes you uneasy. I've been trying and I am, but this is what I can do."

C : "I just want to communicate."

Sad, ain't it?

C told me that he didn't want to change L to be what he wanted him to be. But the truth was, he was expecting L to change. He said he understood him, but did he?

Then I remember a quote saying "If someone really loves you, he will understand you, no matter what". It's true right? The question is do we address this quote to our partner or to ourselves?

As I say many times before, as many people say these too, we can't change people. We can't expect people to change for us. They will learn to be better, but it takes time. It takes a lot of patience. Before we know our partner, he has lived in his way for maybe 20 years or so. It won't be easy to live in a different habit in a matter of clicking fingers. 

All we have to do is accepting. 

For C, and for everyone else who is close to anyone and wish the situation would be different, it is time for you to ask yourself. 

Do you understand him? 
If you don't, will you try? 
Will you consider to accept him for what he is? 
He can change, but again, it takes time, and there's no guarantee the time will come. 
If you can't accept him, maybe he's not right for you. Don't push it too hard.

Love is not only about me, it is about us.

Love is not about demanding, it is about giving.

Love is not about expecting someone to change, its is about accepting who he really is.

Love is not about finding who is right nor wrong, it is about walking together reaching our dreams.