Take Your Time and Do It

Before we decided to take it, it'd been filling up my mind since a couple months ago. It was not easy. Knowing that the virus was lethal was scary, let alone how it would effect our relationship.

I bet you don't know what I was talking about, eh? It was about taking a HIV test.

It came to me in the morning when I was chatting with my friend. We were talking how he was afraid to open the result of his HIV test. Then,dang! I even hadn't took any. Then I came home and talked about it with my better half. Too bad, it just hanged there, no conclusion, no decision whether we would take it or not.

The next couple days, I googled about HIV. It was new to me that our government gave free retroviral medicine for them who was HIV positive. Those meds should be taken twice a day and they could have a normal lives. Knowing more about it, I was convinced that being HIV positive was not as 'deadly' as I thought.

Again I talked to my better half which came to a decision that we would take it. I made an appointment with Angsa Merah, a general health clinic, specializing in reproductive and sexual health. I knew Angsa Merah, from TemanTeman, an organization which founded by The Thai Red Cross AIDS Research Centre. But then, I cancelled it, because I thought I wasn't ready for the consequences, for the result.

Last Wednesday, when we were watching a TV series, my better half said that there would be a free HIV test in Senayan City on Saturday. Apparently it would be held by TemanTeman. True that we were afraid we were infected, but more, we were afraid how if one of us was infected, how it would effect on our relationship. There was silence, but I knew we would be okay, we would stay together no matter what.

The day before the test, I prayed so that God let us not be infected, but if we were, I asked Him to give us strength, to give us open hearts to accept it and to continue our lives, I said in my prayer that not our will, but Thine be done. It gave me strength right away, I knew I would be okay, no matter what the result would be.

The next morning, after we had our hair cut, we headed to Senayan City. We had to wait almost an hour to finally had ourselves get into a van, to get tested. We talked to a counselor whom  I was sure that he knew that we were couple. He enlightened us about HIV. Then there was the time. I was first. A middle-aged nurse took my blood on my middle finger, my hand was so cold that she could not take enough sample. I told her to take another from my ring finger. This time, she got enough. She then dropped it to a stick that looked like a pregnancy test, then dropped another chemical fluid on top of it. I wondered how she knew whether it was HIV positive or negative. And exactly like pregnancy test, there would be one bar if the blood was HIV negative and it would be two bars if it was positive. My heart rushed. I kept smiling but I couldn't get my eyes out of that thing.

It was my better half's turn, before I knew my result. We had to wait another 10 minutes to know the result. It was the longest 10 minutes I ever had in my life. When the nurse told us that we were negative, it was like a 100 pounds of millstone was taken from my shoulder. I was so relieved. I thank God for letting us to be okay. It was His grace, really.

The counselor then asked me, "H, what if K was HIV positive?". See, he knew that we were couple.
I answered, "I think it will be just fine."
He smiled and replied, "It sure will be."
It was nice actually. It is still nice to know that there are some people who accept us for who we are. My friend said that they didn't accept us, they were just ignorant. Well at least, they aren't homophobic.

After getting free t-shirt, we thanked them and left the van. The rest of the day was amazing.

Writing this, I am not suggesting you, whom haven't had a chance to get tested, to have one immediately. But I do suggest that you will think about it, get yourself ready and take it. Fill yourself with as much as information about HIV. For me, it is encouraging. You can find those information everywhere, they are as far as your fingers. Just type 'HIV' on Google and you will find everything you need to know about it. You can go to TemanTeman for starter. I need 2 months, more or less, to finally take the test. You don't need to rush, but by the time you do it, you are sure that you are ready for every consequence that will come. Like I said, being HIV positive is not as 'deadly' as you may think. My counselor said that he had a patient that had been living with HIV for 18 years and he was still healthy. From what I read, the virus can be 'frozen'. You can have a normal life. You can have kids without worrying they will be infected. It may not be able to be cured today, but who knows, someday, it can be.

Growing Old Together

It's been a while since my last post. I couldn't find anything interesting to be written about. Ahhh.. Scracth that, just call me lazy, lol.

Living with someone for quite some time, we will adapt more and more. It is what happening with me and K. 

The way we press toothpaste, either from the middle or from the end, which for some people is a problem, doesn't annoy us, luckily. But he is bothered with me wiping my so-called-dirty-hands on my pants. They are not that dirty for me. For example, I just pick a cracker and eat it with my hand, then I rub my hand on my pants. He will feel annoyed with what I do. I felt irked the first times he scolded me about it. But now, I don't do it as often as I did, it is good I guess, and eveytime he rebukes me, I just laugh and haste to wash my hands.

Until today, there are still many small things we admonish each other, how he doesn't close the wardrobe, how I move the doormat after bath, how he folds used plastic bag, how I don't return hangers to where they belong. The list will flood this blog if I continue. 

But hey, it's the essence of growing up together. To accept and to adapt for a greater purpose. 

Moreover, we somehow become more similar to each other day by day, especially our habbit. It's funny, really.

K used to mock me how I looked like an idiot when I was moving my lips (somehow) mimicking him telling a story inadvertently. But these days, I laugh everytime he does the same (of course he doesn't realize while he is doing it). Once he knows what he's doing he will swear, "Ah, shit, it's contagious" while trying to pinch me, oddly iritated. 

Talking about pinching, K has thousands way to make my body in pain. It's not that massive pain, it's, ahh.. it hurts. He has a bigger muscle than me, and when he wrestles me, it always ends up, I am in his arms. Of course it is alwas a joke, it is always how we laugh about stupid things. 

K loves to squeezes his knuckles, and when he's done with his, my knuckles are the next target. I tell him many times that I don't like it. It's like my knuckles are gonna pop out everytime he does it, I think it's my phobia. I will be mad and he will works his charm saying "Can I please?" Of course I will say no. And of course he won't accept my answer and we will wrestle, he is trying to reach my knuckles while I am defending them. You know what will happen. I end up being crushed by his body. My secret weapon, my counter-attack by tickling him never does any good. Damn!

Despite of all the pain he causes me everytime we wrestle, I won't change it. He's my man. He's the one I wanna grow up with. I still believe my secret weapon will work, eventually, maybe when he's old enough. Lol.