So Called Confusion

"Galau" is one of the most trending word these days. I went to Google translate, it translated "galau" to "confusion". It ain't exactly perfect. But yeah, "galau" is confusion, a state of mind where people think they don't know what to do, especially in love matters.

I hardly spend a day without reading "galau" in my Path. Most of the "galau" posts are about finding Mr. Right. They are about break-ups, rejections, hanging-hopes, and so on. Love matters.

For most gays, we look for our soulmate via those dating-apps. We say 'hi' to many of those good-looking ones (or anyone matches our criteria). We talk to them. Then we meet them. Sometimes it ends on bed, sometimes it continues to second date but ends in the process, and sometimes it just really ends after first meeting.

When it ends, we grieve, we have "galau" mood, then we try again to find another man in those apps, or maybe through friends. But the cycle remains the same.

There's a guy I know, every time he went to me through Whatsapps, he would ask, "Hey, would you introduce me to a guy?" At first I tried to hook him up, but then after couple times, it got me laugh my head-off. It was so absurd because he didn't only ask me, but also asked my friends. It was just so pathetic.


We try so hard, even too hard. We don't realize we don't give ourselves a little break. We hardly breath. There isn't one moment we spend without thinking about boys, about our future partners. We forget to enjoy our lives.

Is it about happiness? Maybe we think that we will be happy if we have someone on our side. We envy them who have boyfriends, because they seem so happy together. Having a relationship isn't about being happy, it is about sharing our happiness. And trust me, you won't be happy in a relationship if you are not happy when you are single. How can you bring happiness into a relationship if you are not happy with yourself?


I am not saying that we should stop trying or looking for our right ones. I am saying we may  need to stop for a while, to enjoy our lives, to cherish our times without thinking about men (or sex even). There's so much more our lives offer than just having a relationship.


If you are 27-ish or even younger, I think it would be nicer if you use the chance to explore what you love most first. Do what you like, find your passion, work your ass off, be success. It's not that when you are partnered you can't do those things, but when you are, your chance will be limited. There will be one or two things you should sacrifice for the sake of your relationship. There will be so much time for relationship later, when you grow maturer. 

Vicious Circle

These days I feel mad. I am frustrated. And above all, I am tired.

You know, I love sharing. I love hearing people talk to me. It enriches me. When they do, I empathize with them. I listen hard. 

When they ask what to do, I offer solution, I offer a way out. I share my paradigm. I share my opinion. I put real effort to do so.


But then, people tend to follow their own gut. They don't think straight, they do what they shouldn't do and their problems get bigger than ever or sometimes history just repeats itself.

I know I am not in their shoes, I can't see through their glasses. I know what they do may be the best they can do. But when they come to me with, again tears or grievance, it exhausts me. I don't want to be the one who tell them, "I told you so," over and over again.

It's not once, it ain't twice. It's thousand times. And it happens to people dearest to me.

I am tired, I am fed up. It drains my energy. So I am being cynical, or even sarcastic and harsh. Then they feel offended, and they stay away from me. A friend told me that this world was full of people like that, they were not ready to hear the ugly truth, they wanted to be "comforted" in different ways.

Again, I love sharing. But it will be great if they are willing to step forward and to deal with their problems, instead of wanting to be listened to all the time over the same case again and again.

I guess, it's my vicious circle. Should I less care?



PS. K, I think it would be nice to have a vacation, on a remote island, just you and me. *wink*

Stepping Up My Game

“You will face your greatest opposition when you are closest to your biggest miracle.”
― Shannon L. Alder


Your grammar sucks.
I recommend you to take English class before writing a blog.
*STRONGLY recommend

I was shocked when I read this yesterday. I just sit and stared at my phone. Someone wrote me that on my Jack'd. I took a deep breath and replied," Haha.Thank you. Much appreciated."

I know for sure that my English is not perfect, far from perfect. But I never thought that it was that bad so I should take an English class. I questioned my English, "Is it really that bad?". So I went to some of my friends, my blog readers, showed that message and waited for their reactions.

- Not that bad tho'. Your English is improving post by post. 
- Who was that? So rude.
- Hey, come on, I think J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter was perfect because of the editor's hand. Your English is quite good. Please keep writing.
- I like your blog, no matter what.
- It's a blog. You're not writing the next great English classic literature. Don't let the heartless idiot bother you. He's just seeking for your attention. Maybe a secret admirer. :)
- No. I think you're even extremely good.
- Oh, I don't think it's that bad. I say ignore lol.
- I think he said it for himself. You speak English well.
- I can't say it is perfect, but above average already.  He is over reacting. Heck with him.
- Ignore him, but your reply is excellent. I love it, spread love not war. It's not excellent but it's pretty good.
- You really need to know, it wasn't constructive critic. And some people like to use that just to make them feel better about themselves.

They did make me feel better. But hey it's me, the one who overthinks. LOL. So I took a moment to think. Well, scratch 'moment', I did take 'some' time. And I came to a conclusion.

I am climbing to the top. And on my way there will be not only friends or readers who love what I write, but there will be also harsh-critics and maybe haters. All I have to do is keep writing for I love writing, and of course I will try as hard as I can to improve my English. I am stepping up my game.

I consider that so-called heartless comment as a monument, my stepping stone for it doesn't stop me from writing (I even write about this, LOL), hence I will write better and I will write more.

So, I guess it's a 'Thank You' then. For you all. 

... and let me wait for my greatest opposition, for my biggest miracle is coming...