A Peek

I realize that you guys may have no idea how I and K look like. So here it is, a peek to our lives. 

Equality Inside

Hi! How's life? How's love life? Single or taken? Whatever you are in now, I wish you all happiness. 'Coz remember, you won't be happy in a relationship if you are not happy when you are single.

So, yes, if you guys notice, I just celebrated my 2nd anniversary last Saturday. We had a quite amazing dinner at Pacific Restaurant, Ritz Carlton, Sudirman. Fancy, eh? Nope. It was free. I paid nothing. Indonesian said : "Rejeki anak soleh". Lol.

Enough bout me. I've been wanting to write this, but I just never got the whole idea. And today when I did path-walking, I saw my friend's post. He said that he was disgusted when he saw a transgender, he cringed on feminine gays. I wanted to stop my car at that moment (yes, I was driving to the office when I read this), replied on his status. I, to tell the truth, was angry.

I ever wrote this related matter, back in 2013 (you can read it here). I pointed out acceptance on others' paradigm that time. In this post I want you guys to remember how we are accepted in our community. For those who has opened up about their sexuality, I bet most of them had faced difficult times. We wanted to be treated equal. We wanted to be heard. We wanted to state that we were the same.

It's ironic because we, who had fought those narrow-minded people, are now being narrow-minded. It's your preference not to date so-called-feminine-guy, let alone transgenders, or even to befriend with them. It's okay. I respect your choices. But despising them? Oh come on. Will you be okay if someone calls you "disgusting"?

We, of all people, should know how it feels not to be treated equally, not to be treated as human being. If you believe and yet are accepted that you were born masculine gay, why can't you accept and understand others that born feminine gay? If you say that it is wrong to be feminine because we have male body, what about those straight people who say that we are wrong to have feelings for men? Who are we to judge? Who are we to despise others?

Equality comes from inside. We can't expect equality from if we still discriminate our own. Top, bottom, butch, femme, transgender, crossdressing, masculine, feminine, we are all the same.

If you are a Christian, you might want to open your bible on Matthew 7:12 : "Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets."


At the end, I quoted Chris Crocker, "Gay guys who hate feminine gay guys give gays a bad name. Not the other way around. The rainbow is our symbol to represent all shades in our community. Not just the masculine shade. Until you accept all those shades you don't have gay pride. You have self pride."
 
Please, stop gay on gay discrimination.

Above the Sky

"Oh God, please keep us safe. I am not ready. But let Your will be done. Whatever happens, I know it's for the best. I promise You, I'll be better man."

I repeated those words over and over last night. I was so afraid. I was frightened. I hold K hands tightly and he squeezed my hand. We both closed our eyes. We both were uptight and tense. It was maybe the scariest moment in our lives. I asked God to keep us safe over and over, I even made deal with Him. K said there was nothing we could do, so we just sat there, tucked our head down and prayed, over and over. It was the time when I knew I should surrender, to God.

***

It was 22.30, Bali time when they called us in. Our vacation was over, it was time to go back to Jakarta. I prayed to God to take care of us in our flight back home. The last accident of this airways really affected me, in bad way. I was paranoid. I was afraid, really afraid. But then I decided to go by this airways since I had bought the tickets before the accident.

It started with the take-off. I couldn't say it was smooth. I was squeezing K's hand hardly. I saw a glimpse of lighting. The turbulence really took a toll on me. When we were up there and we thought it was over, K said, "Wow, it's terrifying." I just nodded and prayed again. I tried to loosen up my grip.

But we were wrong. The turbulence didn't stop there. We could feel the airplane went up and up, maybe to avoid the heavy clouds. I closed my eyes. I was so tired but I couldn't sleep. I repeated my prayers over and over. I even made deal with God. I panicked. I was too afraid. I guess I didn't surrender enough.

The seat-belt lamp was on and off for couple times. I get more alarmed and nervous, every time it dinged on. I overheard a lady behind me whispered, saying her prayers. It was scary. I wish we arrived soon. I remember I wish we could just land at Semarang or anywhere and continue the journey by bus or train or whatever.

It was the longest 90 minutes I ever had. When the captain talked to us, telling us that though we did have some turbulence, there was nothing to worry about, I tried to loosen up. He said that we would land in 30 minutes. I moved my seating position, so I could sit more relax. But I still counted every seconds.

When we finally landed, I thanked God. I almost cried.  There was an urge to stand up and to applause the captain for landing the plane safely, but it would be too much of a scene. Then  I saw K tucked his head down. I never saw him that way. I asked, "What did you do?". "I said my gratitude." It was wow. Between I and K, I was the more paranoid one, he was the one who calmed me down. I knew K was afraid too, but I didn't think he was as afraid as I was.

Maybe I was overreacted, over paranoid. Maybe it was the ordinary turbulence. Whatever it was, I am thankful it was over. And yes, I will keep my promise to God. To be better, to be less cynical, to be more lovable.

I learned something though. I learned that surrender is not as easy as it sounds. If I surrendered, I would not be that afraid. It would be easier and I would be calmer when I surrender to God. I guess it applies to all things in life. 

Paradise

Hi Guys! How are you? I wish you all good, though it is flood everywhere, here in Jakarta.

We, I and K just got back from Bali. Yes, Bali! Spending three days at Bali was heaven. If you know how much K loves sun, you won't be surprised see his grin when we landed at Ngurah Rai Airport. The truth is, I was surprised for I didn't think it would be that wide. Lol.

We had a blast there. Thank to Grc and Mtn for taking us almost everywhere. Le Kabron, Habitual, Motel Mexicola and a coffee shop called Revolver are the place you should visit when you are in Bali.

Actually we had a photo shoot at Bali. It was unplanned. We just wanted to get a short getaway, but then a friend of us, Prt, came to me a week ago. She said that she had a friend who would love to do a photo session for a gay couple. It was 'wow'. Why not?

So it was set. On Monday, C, a wedding photographer, with Prt and their colleges, Zfn, came to our hotel. It was nice and fun. We had never had any photo session whatsoever, but C was so great. She said she was gonna send those pics to us today. Exciting! You'll be able to see those pics soon. K would share it on his instagram account I guess. Thank to C and Prt for making this happen. It was such an honor. Super really.

It was too short, spending three days at Bali. I think there would be enough time. We love Bali, I even llove the sun there. I wish I could move there soon. Maybe it won't be that soon, but definitely we'll be back.