Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Segen and Boden - Part 1

BODEN

I hated when he was cranky. He criticized everything I did. He would annoyingly complain on how unclean I was in washing dishes, how untidy I arranged those plates, how I left everything for having my me-time with my instagram. I guessed he didn't know how I loved to see those bodies in Instagram. Segen? Other than his round tummy, he had nothing to be proud of.


It's been 4 years now. Yesterday was our anniversary, which of course I forgot. He pretended that he was okay, while I knew he wasn't. My mind was on something else, er, someone else. I once loved Segen. I didn't know if I still did. It had been a tiring relationship. We fought a lot, often for simple things. I met Offen last year, on gay apps, which I never met. We flirted here and there, but since it was going nowhere, I didn't text him anymore. Until yesterday. He said he was visiting my town the day after, and he wanted to meet me, and to have sex with me.


...


It was couple days after Christmas. I drove north, to meet someone, to satisfy my appetite. I told Segen that I would be a bit late since traffic was really bad. I always had this fantasy, to be a master in sex, to have slave on my own. I could never do that to Segen, he was not that kind of guy, that he always wants to have romance in sex. The hell, I'd been doing that for 3 fucking years. 


Anyway, it was a quick sex. I told him, the other guy, I hardly remembered, that it was one time thing. I drove back to pick up Segen, and it was just like the other night.


...


Segen was asleep when I was getting ready for my morning run. When I was on my way out he shouted, "Have fun!" I replied, "Thanks, I will". He didn't know that I would be, of course in a different way he could imagined, of course it was one time thing, again.


...


"Hi!"

"Come in. Good to see you," a tiny guy welcomed me at his hotel door.
"Are you drunk?" I kinda smelled alcohol.
"Kinda, do you mind?" and he kissed me.

I spent another hour trying to have sex, but he was too drunk to do that.


"Come back tomorrow, I'll spend another night."


...


Yes, long story short, we had sex the day after. It was super good. I dominated him. I enslaved him, sexually. It will be too much if I blabber everything here, LOL. And he did everyting I asked him to do. I loved this power I had over him. It was one time thing, until....



SEGEN


"Can you be nice to me? And not being mad at me over and over?"

"I can, but..." I wondered why he asked me this repeatedly, I told him many times, it was like he didn't listen, "I was mad for reasons..."
"I know," Boden replied, "but that's who I am."

This conversation happened on daily basis. Boden complained on how often I got mad on silly things, while I was being defensive for I did because of what he did. It was like never ending fights.


I was not comfortable with this relationship. I was angry everytime. Not sad, but angry. I didn't know why I stayed, maybe just because I didn't want to be alone.


We barely had sex anymore. And if we did, it was never good, not as good as it was before.


I was tired, physically and mentally. I wasn't happy. And I tried to be until that day. That day, some day in May, Boden said that he wanted to end this relationship. That he wanted to be alone, that he dreamt to be alone.


We discussed to split the money, the house and everything we owned together. It was fine at first for I thought I wanted that too.


The reality kicked in an hour later. The fact that I was single hit me hard. That was the moment that I knew I still loved him. I cried. Hard I guessed. Boden hugged me tight, he told me that he hated seeing me like that. He said he changed his mind, he wanted to be with me, he would try harder to keep this relationship. 


It was a wake up call to me. I started to see things differently, I started to change my behaviour, I tried to manage my anger. It was actually good. I was happier. And our relationship was getting better, or at least that was what I thought.

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