Segen and Boden - Part 3

Boden

"Should I end this?"
This question haunted me for days. Seeing Segen like that was a torture for me. I knew deep in my heart, I loved him. But I still wanted more from Offen.

"Can you let me have sex with Offen? Just sex?" 
"Why?" asked Segen.
"Because I want to experience those things, those BDSMs, dominate people."

Silence.
"I can't do it to you. You are important to me."
"I can learn."
"But I don't want you to learn. I don't have the heart to quote-unquote torture you."
And he broke into tears.

...

I realized how broken Segen was those days. I knew he had sleepless night. I curled with him, hugged him every night. But my mind still wandered. To Offen.

I decided to end the relationship with Offen. Segen, afterall, was more real to me. We had everything. I was sorry for Offen, but I had to do it. 

...

We had a big fight. Offen and I. 


Segen

I didn't want to rush my decision. I was broken. I broke into tears many times since that day. But I still wanted Boden. He was my life.

I wanted to start over. 

...

I managed to be okay in two weeks. Boden said it was over, he and Offen. It was a beautiful Monday. I started it with smile for Boden kissed me in the morning, which he rarely did. It was the most beautiful Monday, until I saw "Offen" on Boden's phone.

I was furious. I wondered why he couldn't leave us alone.

I texted him, for the first time, told us to leave us and to move on.

Then Offen called me. Telling me everything. 

And I was broken. For the third time in 2 months. I got my hopes up then Boden slammed it down, again and again, with his lies. 

I sensed happiness when he told me that Boden telling him that he would leave me for him. He was so proud that he had sex with Boden, many times. He told me everything as if it was okay to do that with partnered person. I was about to think that he had no remorse for what he did before he apologized. 

But his apology didn't make me any better.

He wished that I would be okay. As if it was sweet.

I was furious. To Boden. To Offen. To myself. I was a fool for more than once.
Was that love? Would I be whole again?