T&C Applied

I wasn't in good mood yesterday. I was tired and I could use some fun. Then it came to me, an idea to spend this upcoming holiday outtown. Rafting was one option. 

I was so excited so that I browsed here and there and asked my friend who was specialist in travel area about this. I thougt I was gonna use his service so all I had to do was paying. 

But then it required at least 6 people to do this activity. So I asked my friends to join this. I had set the date. One answered with a simple no because of the weather, the debit of the water could be gigantic, he said. One answered "okay lah, let's do this". One responded with so many questions but no yes or no as I write this. And some with enthusiasm agreed to join this.  

So I counted there was 7, included me and my better half. Following this up, I contacted again my friend to come out with the price and everything. 

This morning, I asked my fellows for confirmation. One still hadn't answered. Some asked me about the transportation, and said that they wouldn't join if they should drive themselves, though they said yesterday that they would drive instead of renting a car. One said that he had to ask his dad first since his dad might have planned family thingies on that date. So it left with one that confirmed to join this.

I hate this. Not because I don't respect their reasons to somehow canceled or asked me to make reservation first without them. But because they didn't say their "Terms and Condition" at the beginning. 

I hate dealing with incosistencies. I'd rather take a simple no than a yes with T&C Applied or a let-us-see thingies. 

My travel agent friend said that it should be 6 at least. And when I had 7 people I followed up with him. But then 4 of them canceled on me. It sucks. I have to deal with this guilty feeling and cancel on my travel agent friend. It isn't easy. But who cares? No one!!!

It makes me realize not to depend on any one. It simply was a mistake. I miscount. I thought I could count on them. It is sad. But I'll live. Lol! 

Step In

Do you like quotes? I do. I read them, I like them then I sometimes start to believe them. I often apply them in my personal life. 

I read a quote this morning, saying that couples who fight often are most likely stronger than who do not. 

Well, I was attracted and I did repath it, since I and my better half do fight often, though it has been less nowadays. And when I read this quote, I kinda believed it. But then my cynical thougt knocked on my consience, was it just an excuse so that I would think that fighting was okay? 

Once we make quote ourselves, we want to make our quote catchy, easy to remember. Yet when we read quote, we tend to be attracted to this catchy part and forget the others. 

And this quote was catchy too, at least for me. The first sentence was Couple who fight often are most likely stronger than who do not. Ain't it strike you? For you who have partner, I do believe the word fighting isn't peculiar.

When you read this very quote, do you think fighting often is good for your relationship? 

Fortunately, this quote didn't stop there. It also explained that it wasn't the fighting but the making up that did make relationship go stronger, it came to realization that our relationship were more important than our differences. It continued "It involves forgiveness and acceptance of one's mistake." I think this is the most important part. Figthing will never be good until we come to forgiveness and acceptance.

The point is I want to remind myself (or even you guys) that we tend to look and stop at one point, one paradigm. It may not be wrong, but it may not be complete either. You can't see the whole room looking from a door at one side. You need to step in and rotate your view. It does apply in many aspects of life. 

Good day!!

A Simple Thank You

My better half works in a sales department. He gets basic salary and incentive. 

As you may know, incentive is given to boost sales to sell their products more. My better half worked hard for this. We've been together for months now and never I have thanked him for this.

We tend to forget to say thank you to others because we think it's their job to do so. We forget to thank our mums for cooking us dinner, we forget to thank our dads for driving us to school, or even works. We forget to thank our maid for cleaning up our messy rooms. We forget to thank our men for their great jobs. 

We forget because they do what they suppose to do. It's natural. But it would be nicer if we start to say thank you. A sincere one. A thank you simply reminds us how they have done thing for us. A thank you simply states our gratitudes to them. 

So today, when he said that he reached enough incentive, I said "thank you, bebi." And indeed he felt strange about it. Lol. I appreciated what he did for us, no matter how much he gained.

Stop for a while and remember what others have done for us. And if you have the chance, tell them how you are thankful for those. It won't hurt you. At all.

And to all my blog readers (though I know they won't be more than my fingers), thank you. Love you all. 

Lovebirds

This morning I was bored. I texted my better half, but he was a bit busy. So I said hi to Mr. Cavill (not a real name). I asked how life was and so on. 

Then I asked about his love life for couple days ago, I introduced him to one of my good friends, Mr. Connick. It went well, he said. No surprise at all. Why?

Because I knew. Lol. Yesterday Connick whatsapp-ed me telling that the conversation between them went well. And having a finger in the pie, I dig both's side story.

I won't share their stories here, but indeed they made me smile. I believe I could feel the same way they did, the urge to text, to call, to pay and give attention to each other. It was like what I feel when I am with K. It was lovely. It was nice. It made me grin even more.

Oh gosh, can I say love is in the air? Or can I say "lovebirds"? Well, I don't care, it's my blog anyway. Lol.

Then one thing came to my mind. They are separated by ocean, thousand miles away. I hate to break this sweetness but I think they should take times to figure this out. Fortunately, they have.

Well, it is just the beginning, it is the first tiny little step in a long journey. But who knows? We may think that we can't, but the universe may say otherwise. 

Why do I blog this so-called-cheesy thing? Because it affects me somehow. Not because I am being an amateur matchmaker (I am a first timer in this field), it just simply is because the fact that love-is-the-air affects me. Well it may have not been the real "love", but still. 

If their love affects me, gives me some positive energy, then I believe that my love for K also gives hope and joy to others (somehow), and surely your love for everyone you love do that as well. 

Ain't it beautiful? If so, there is no reason to stop loving then. Cheers!

PS. K, when I share this story to you, you said that I might be attracted to one of these guys. The truth is I am not. I just can feel the joy they share. And I may gain victory in my first time being matchmaker. Lol. I love you K, even more. You are the only one. 

(Never) Do This At Home

I was confuse. It hit me bad. Well I am okay. It has nothing to do with me directly, but it affects me.

This morning I was browsing my path when I saw my path friend's picture. He wished happiness for someone's wedding. And when I went deeper into that post, I found out that it was his boyfriend's wedding. With a girl. It stung me right away. 

I don't know them very well, but since he added me as a path friend, I saw their lovely pictures here and then. I thought they were sweet. And I never imagined that one of them would marry someone else, especially a girl, but still together after the wedding.

I didn't mind at all. It was their decision, and I believe there is an explainable reason that may never crossed my mind. I appreciate what they did, for their brave acts. And I wish them happiness as well.

But for me, at least in my thoughts and dreams, it won't work that way for it is against to what I believe in. Maybe I am too fuddy-duddy, but when it comes to tying knots of marriage, it is sacred. It is a one way trip where there's no turning back. And in a marriage, there will be no one else but the two persons who say "I do" to each other, vow to each other their lives.

I am writing this not to judge anyone. I am writing this to remind us that this thing does happen. That people may choose different ways to reach what they want. It happens in front of my eyes, not only in movies.

I may never be in their position, as well as my better half. We would never take that decision. But I do respect them. They are chasing their dreams. Our ways may be different to each other's, but what's wrong with being different? 

Lastly, are you guys ready to reach your dream? Are you brave enough to be different?

Coming Out (Part 1)

One of my blog readers (oh my, I said reader with 'S'. Lol) asked me how I came out, how I struggled with it. Well, it intrigued me. Opening old pages seem a bit boring, eh? But maybe I could share some too. So here we go...

Coming out to family is the hardest. Believe me it is. Telling your mom about you being gay is hard, but the consequences after those moments will be killing you, at least until you have their blessing. 

9 years ago I was dumped, my ex boyfriend cheated on me. In my desperation, too naive and being guilty by being gay, I told my mom that I had made a mistake. I thought I could change myself to be 'normal' and my family could help me.

That time my mom and dad calmed me. They said that it was okay to make mistake. They said they loved me for whoever I was. But since then, it was never the same. My parents, especially my mom got easily paranoid if I hung out with my guy friends (no matter they were gays or not, well yeah most of the times they were).

I, in other hand, realized that being with guy is my 'normal' thing. Telling my mom that I was trying to be straight while I hid my meeting with guys. But I wasn't good in covering my tracks. Some of those times my mom would wrote me a long letter or called me at night to tell me that she was worried and she knew that I dated guys.

It was getting worse. Trying not to make my mom worry, I kept distance with my mom. I was alone. I felt uncomfort. It went for almost 9 years.

Then someday my mom asked me why I had been so far from her. I was on my way to office. It broke my heart. Then I told her at the phone that I was really gay, I couldn't be normal, that I wish I were. I was seeing someone and I wish my mom could accept me for who I was.

And she told me that she was willing to try to accept me. She asked me to bring my boyfriend (he is my ex now) home to be introduced to her. 

After that, it was getting easier. Convincing my dad and my sister was easier. Much easier.

I was relieved. I had waited for 9 years and I didn't see any light. 

My mom loves me. She never stops loving me. And I believed yours too. When you decide to come out, give her time. Don't be so hard on her. Accepting who you really are may be not that hard, but she has to embrace the world around her too. She has to be ready to face its reaction to the fact that her son is gay.

Before you come out of the closet, ask yourself what you want to be in the future. If you want to have a 'normal' family, I don't think you should come out. Because if you do so, you just bring your parents more burden to carry. 

People tend to forget that coming out is not about yourself, it is about your family too. It's not only about "this is me, this is who I really am", but it is also about accepting the reality that your family may not be ready for who you really are. 

Maybe you have spent your whole life hiding in a closet and you think you deserve an avowal for who you are. But your family, especially your parents also deserve the same thing. Believe me you won't be happy until you have your parents' blessing. 

Leap of Faith

Have you guys watched Man of Steel? You should if you haven't. Well for me, it is the best superhero movie ever!!!!!! Lol.

But really, it is good. I like the storyline, i love the plot and i crave the quotes, especially this one:
"Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith first. The trust (or you can change with everything) part comes later."

It's true. I did it many times. It doesn't mean you don't have doubts when you do. The truth is you have. You have worries, you have doubts, you don't know what to do. All you rational thoughts confuse you. This is the time when you exactly have to trust your gut and go with it.

Like you know, and maybe like you have in mind, my decision to move in with my better half may sound too fast. I did have doubts at that time. I was worried things wouldn't go as we planned. But we did took a leap of faith. And in the end of the day, we trusted what we had, which was love and commitment.

When I watched Man of Steel, there was this problem I had with my better half. Indeed it was about trust. This movie reminded me that all I had to do is to take a leap of faith and the trust part will come later. It inspired me to do so. And that was what I did.

This leap-of-faith thing will give you hope. That's what the house of El believes. That's what I believe. Hope keeps you going. Keep going my friend. Keep going. You won't see your beautiful future if you stop and give up to your worries and doubts.

Again, you may not be ready for what's gonna happen. And you won't know what awaits you there. No guarantee it won't crush you. But ain't it worth it?