Two to Tango

We have heard so many stories about couple who say that they have successful relationship because they share many things in common. They collects figurines, they are philatelist, they are attracted to same style of fashion, they love rock 'n roll, they hike together, they travel to eat, they dig photography and so on and so on.

It is believed that we have to share same things with our partner to have a good relationship.

We find ourselves attracted to people who love the same thing. We are attracted to people who have same values of life.We blend with people who have the same taste in almost everything. Lovely? Sure! K and I love to watch movies. And it surely is fun to watch movies together, with your loved one.

But. Yes, it is a big but. At some point,  we will find that we are not that same, we are two different people.

We were born unique. We were born with different DNA. We lived our childhood in different society. We were raised differently. We were shaped differently by our culture.

We learn that our partner loves Celine Dion while we cry for Mariah Carey. We learn that our partner loves kids when we love our career. We learn that our partner is a plan-person when we are more to happy-go-lucky-person. The list surely doesn't stop there.

This is the point where relationship gets hard. I find that my partner is super ignorant. It's not that he doesn't love me, I know he does. But he just doesn't pay attention to details while I do. And when he asks me the same things over and over, it frustrates me. At some level, it annoys me a lot.

For this simple case, I can really get tired. But then, it's his nature. Again, we can't expect our partner to change. They were shaped that way for you know how long. When my head, instead my heart, takes over the control, I focus myself to be in his shoes. I realize that he is not who I am.We are two different people.

Again, it's not a common sense that our same hobbies are not the reason why we have successful relationship. But it's true. Our same point of view won't make our relationship lasts forever. It's our compromise that do.


Couple times ago, I wrote on my path this quote, "The best thing to have a relationship with someone who is totally different with you is you can widen your view. You learn to see things beyond your paradigm. You learn to put your feet on someone's else shoes. It's okay not to have many things in common with your loved one. It's compromise that matters."

And if I may add, beyond all, you have to share the same dreams. Imagine you and your partner are in the same boat. Both of you have to have the same final destination. There will be many ways to go to your final destination. You can go right, you can go left, you may fight with your partner about the way you wanna go through. Your compromise of each other's direction is important., so you can work your way out. But if the destination is not the same, then you can be sure that you won't go anywhere.   

Love Sees Through

Last weekend I was scrolling down my Path page when I saw a picture of a interracial gay couple, one guy was definitely an Asian, while his partner was Caucasian. It was clear on the picture that the Caucasian guy attracted more eyes. It was understandable for most eyes saw him cuter than his partner. I did too at first. I was ashamed of it now.

The caption on the picture, as my friend posted was "Beauty and The Beast." I was tickled at first. But then I saw a comment there, " Sorry, but IMHO, the caption "beauty and the beast" is kinda inappropriate. would rather look at it as a sweet in public hands holding act, which I believe many of us don't have privilege for that. Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder."

It stroke me immediately. I realized my mind was clouded by my eyes. I was ashamed of my thought. I stopped there. I began to see the beauty. I began to see the love they showed to each other.

I scrolled again my Path page and found another post of them. The very same picture. I guessed it was re-posted. Some of the comments said that the Asian gay was 'kucing'. Kucing is Indonesian word for cat, which associated to someone who is paid for sex. It was harsh.

It was like we thought that we were better, we were better-looking than the Asian guy so that we had every right to judge him, to say bad things about him. WOW!

Have we ever wondered if we had a partner who were good looking, way better than we were, and people talked shit about us, what would we feel?

It is sad yet ironic when we believe in equality, that we are all the same, that we deserves the same thing as others, that we are all flesh and bones, we still think that good looking guys are for good looking guys, beauty girls are for handsome guys and so on.

Then I dug deeper, I wanted to know that couple. I found the Asian's instagram and found out that they had been in a relationship for more than two years. Ain't it amazing? I found it funny that those who said harsh comments were singles (no wonder, eh?).

It isn't Beauty and The Beast after all, they both are beautiful. Their love towards each other is beautiful. If we can't see the beauty, maybe we don't really understand what love is.

It isn't Love is Blind either. Love sees through flesh. Love sees hearts. Maybe it is us who are too blinded by physical appearance.   

A Peek

I realize that you guys may have no idea how I and K look like. So here it is, a peek to our lives. 

Equality Inside

Hi! How's life? How's love life? Single or taken? Whatever you are in now, I wish you all happiness. 'Coz remember, you won't be happy in a relationship if you are not happy when you are single.

So, yes, if you guys notice, I just celebrated my 2nd anniversary last Saturday. We had a quite amazing dinner at Pacific Restaurant, Ritz Carlton, Sudirman. Fancy, eh? Nope. It was free. I paid nothing. Indonesian said : "Rejeki anak soleh". Lol.

Enough bout me. I've been wanting to write this, but I just never got the whole idea. And today when I did path-walking, I saw my friend's post. He said that he was disgusted when he saw a transgender, he cringed on feminine gays. I wanted to stop my car at that moment (yes, I was driving to the office when I read this), replied on his status. I, to tell the truth, was angry.

I ever wrote this related matter, back in 2013 (you can read it here). I pointed out acceptance on others' paradigm that time. In this post I want you guys to remember how we are accepted in our community. For those who has opened up about their sexuality, I bet most of them had faced difficult times. We wanted to be treated equal. We wanted to be heard. We wanted to state that we were the same.

It's ironic because we, who had fought those narrow-minded people, are now being narrow-minded. It's your preference not to date so-called-feminine-guy, let alone transgenders, or even to befriend with them. It's okay. I respect your choices. But despising them? Oh come on. Will you be okay if someone calls you "disgusting"?

We, of all people, should know how it feels not to be treated equally, not to be treated as human being. If you believe and yet are accepted that you were born masculine gay, why can't you accept and understand others that born feminine gay? If you say that it is wrong to be feminine because we have male body, what about those straight people who say that we are wrong to have feelings for men? Who are we to judge? Who are we to despise others?

Equality comes from inside. We can't expect equality from if we still discriminate our own. Top, bottom, butch, femme, transgender, crossdressing, masculine, feminine, we are all the same.

If you are a Christian, you might want to open your bible on Matthew 7:12 : "Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets."


At the end, I quoted Chris Crocker, "Gay guys who hate feminine gay guys give gays a bad name. Not the other way around. The rainbow is our symbol to represent all shades in our community. Not just the masculine shade. Until you accept all those shades you don't have gay pride. You have self pride."
 
Please, stop gay on gay discrimination.

Above the Sky

"Oh God, please keep us safe. I am not ready. But let Your will be done. Whatever happens, I know it's for the best. I promise You, I'll be better man."

I repeated those words over and over last night. I was so afraid. I was frightened. I hold K hands tightly and he squeezed my hand. We both closed our eyes. We both were uptight and tense. It was maybe the scariest moment in our lives. I asked God to keep us safe over and over, I even made deal with Him. K said there was nothing we could do, so we just sat there, tucked our head down and prayed, over and over. It was the time when I knew I should surrender, to God.

***

It was 22.30, Bali time when they called us in. Our vacation was over, it was time to go back to Jakarta. I prayed to God to take care of us in our flight back home. The last accident of this airways really affected me, in bad way. I was paranoid. I was afraid, really afraid. But then I decided to go by this airways since I had bought the tickets before the accident.

It started with the take-off. I couldn't say it was smooth. I was squeezing K's hand hardly. I saw a glimpse of lighting. The turbulence really took a toll on me. When we were up there and we thought it was over, K said, "Wow, it's terrifying." I just nodded and prayed again. I tried to loosen up my grip.

But we were wrong. The turbulence didn't stop there. We could feel the airplane went up and up, maybe to avoid the heavy clouds. I closed my eyes. I was so tired but I couldn't sleep. I repeated my prayers over and over. I even made deal with God. I panicked. I was too afraid. I guess I didn't surrender enough.

The seat-belt lamp was on and off for couple times. I get more alarmed and nervous, every time it dinged on. I overheard a lady behind me whispered, saying her prayers. It was scary. I wish we arrived soon. I remember I wish we could just land at Semarang or anywhere and continue the journey by bus or train or whatever.

It was the longest 90 minutes I ever had. When the captain talked to us, telling us that though we did have some turbulence, there was nothing to worry about, I tried to loosen up. He said that we would land in 30 minutes. I moved my seating position, so I could sit more relax. But I still counted every seconds.

When we finally landed, I thanked God. I almost cried.  There was an urge to stand up and to applause the captain for landing the plane safely, but it would be too much of a scene. Then  I saw K tucked his head down. I never saw him that way. I asked, "What did you do?". "I said my gratitude." It was wow. Between I and K, I was the more paranoid one, he was the one who calmed me down. I knew K was afraid too, but I didn't think he was as afraid as I was.

Maybe I was overreacted, over paranoid. Maybe it was the ordinary turbulence. Whatever it was, I am thankful it was over. And yes, I will keep my promise to God. To be better, to be less cynical, to be more lovable.

I learned something though. I learned that surrender is not as easy as it sounds. If I surrendered, I would not be that afraid. It would be easier and I would be calmer when I surrender to God. I guess it applies to all things in life. 

Paradise

Hi Guys! How are you? I wish you all good, though it is flood everywhere, here in Jakarta.

We, I and K just got back from Bali. Yes, Bali! Spending three days at Bali was heaven. If you know how much K loves sun, you won't be surprised see his grin when we landed at Ngurah Rai Airport. The truth is, I was surprised for I didn't think it would be that wide. Lol.

We had a blast there. Thank to Grc and Mtn for taking us almost everywhere. Le Kabron, Habitual, Motel Mexicola and a coffee shop called Revolver are the place you should visit when you are in Bali.

Actually we had a photo shoot at Bali. It was unplanned. We just wanted to get a short getaway, but then a friend of us, Prt, came to me a week ago. She said that she had a friend who would love to do a photo session for a gay couple. It was 'wow'. Why not?

So it was set. On Monday, C, a wedding photographer, with Prt and their colleges, Zfn, came to our hotel. It was nice and fun. We had never had any photo session whatsoever, but C was so great. She said she was gonna send those pics to us today. Exciting! You'll be able to see those pics soon. K would share it on his instagram account I guess. Thank to C and Prt for making this happen. It was such an honor. Super really.

It was too short, spending three days at Bali. I think there would be enough time. We love Bali, I even llove the sun there. I wish I could move there soon. Maybe it won't be that soon, but definitely we'll be back.  


 

New Business and Overwhelmingly Amazed

Last November K and I went to my hometown to visit my parents and to celebrate my sister's birthday. There we went to a fabric store to buy some batik for K. It wasn't our first time. Since it was hard for us to find batik shirt that fit our bodies, we always have our batik tailored.

A couple days later, when K was taking a shower in the morning as he shouted, "Hey, why don't we sell batik?"

The idea of having our own business had been there all along, but it had never come to realization until that day. I called my mom soon after we discussed the idea. Long story short, we decided to start our business, selling batik for modern young men.

It was practically 2 months of stressed, there were some trouble with the tailor, misplaced label and so on. But finally we managed to launched @krishanbatik as we promised, yesterday on January 21st 2015, a month before our second anniversary. It was only 4 sets of Batik, but at least  we kept our promised.

What made me happier yesterday was the responses we got from our fellows. They put love on our "commercial", wished us success and even more re-path/re-gram/re-tweet it. They visited our website, they shared our facebook page, they followed our instagram. Some of them really put an effort to give us suggestion and advice. It really meant a lot for us, for me.

More over, a friend of mine, on his status said that he fell in love with our batik, though he never touched our product. He promoted our batik on his path and later he was like a spoke-person of ours. He said, "I believe the good things should be shared and recognized by others, not just for the sake of commercial purpose alone, but it is also meaningful work for them." WOW! I honestly never thought of that.

Another friend said that he was happy when he visited our website. Happy? Isn't that such a strong word? I would expect "like", but "happy"?

I am amazed. I feel appreciated. It is our business yet I feel  like everyone owns it, in a tremendous way. The stars align for us. This, again, means a lot for us, as this is our first business, our first stepping stone, it is indeed a meaningful work for us. I can't say nothing but "thank you" to all of you, to all of our friends and fellows. I do hope I can fulfill your expectation by selling good and fine batik with affordable price.

Again, thank you and have good days ahead.

In the end, please follow our instagram @krishanbatik. We have more surprises soon. Cheers!