A Peek

I realize that you guys may have no idea how I and K look like. So here it is, a peek to our lives. 

Equality Inside

Hi! How's life? How's love life? Single or taken? Whatever you are in now, I wish you all happiness. 'Coz remember, you won't be happy in a relationship if you are not happy when you are single.

So, yes, if you guys notice, I just celebrated my 2nd anniversary last Saturday. We had a quite amazing dinner at Pacific Restaurant, Ritz Carlton, Sudirman. Fancy, eh? Nope. It was free. I paid nothing. Indonesian said : "Rejeki anak soleh". Lol.

Enough bout me. I've been wanting to write this, but I just never got the whole idea. And today when I did path-walking, I saw my friend's post. He said that he was disgusted when he saw a transgender, he cringed on feminine gays. I wanted to stop my car at that moment (yes, I was driving to the office when I read this), replied on his status. I, to tell the truth, was angry.

I ever wrote this related matter, back in 2013 (you can read it here). I pointed out acceptance on others' paradigm that time. In this post I want you guys to remember how we are accepted in our community. For those who has opened up about their sexuality, I bet most of them had faced difficult times. We wanted to be treated equal. We wanted to be heard. We wanted to state that we were the same.

It's ironic because we, who had fought those narrow-minded people, are now being narrow-minded. It's your preference not to date so-called-feminine-guy, let alone transgenders, or even to befriend with them. It's okay. I respect your choices. But despising them? Oh come on. Will you be okay if someone calls you "disgusting"?

We, of all people, should know how it feels not to be treated equally, not to be treated as human being. If you believe and yet are accepted that you were born masculine gay, why can't you accept and understand others that born feminine gay? If you say that it is wrong to be feminine because we have male body, what about those straight people who say that we are wrong to have feelings for men? Who are we to judge? Who are we to despise others?

Equality comes from inside. We can't expect equality from if we still discriminate our own. Top, bottom, butch, femme, transgender, crossdressing, masculine, feminine, we are all the same.

If you are a Christian, you might want to open your bible on Matthew 7:12 : "Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets."


At the end, I quoted Chris Crocker, "Gay guys who hate feminine gay guys give gays a bad name. Not the other way around. The rainbow is our symbol to represent all shades in our community. Not just the masculine shade. Until you accept all those shades you don't have gay pride. You have self pride."
 
Please, stop gay on gay discrimination.

Above the Sky

"Oh God, please keep us safe. I am not ready. But let Your will be done. Whatever happens, I know it's for the best. I promise You, I'll be better man."

I repeated those words over and over last night. I was so afraid. I was frightened. I hold K hands tightly and he squeezed my hand. We both closed our eyes. We both were uptight and tense. It was maybe the scariest moment in our lives. I asked God to keep us safe over and over, I even made deal with Him. K said there was nothing we could do, so we just sat there, tucked our head down and prayed, over and over. It was the time when I knew I should surrender, to God.

***

It was 22.30, Bali time when they called us in. Our vacation was over, it was time to go back to Jakarta. I prayed to God to take care of us in our flight back home. The last accident of this airways really affected me, in bad way. I was paranoid. I was afraid, really afraid. But then I decided to go by this airways since I had bought the tickets before the accident.

It started with the take-off. I couldn't say it was smooth. I was squeezing K's hand hardly. I saw a glimpse of lighting. The turbulence really took a toll on me. When we were up there and we thought it was over, K said, "Wow, it's terrifying." I just nodded and prayed again. I tried to loosen up my grip.

But we were wrong. The turbulence didn't stop there. We could feel the airplane went up and up, maybe to avoid the heavy clouds. I closed my eyes. I was so tired but I couldn't sleep. I repeated my prayers over and over. I even made deal with God. I panicked. I was too afraid. I guess I didn't surrender enough.

The seat-belt lamp was on and off for couple times. I get more alarmed and nervous, every time it dinged on. I overheard a lady behind me whispered, saying her prayers. It was scary. I wish we arrived soon. I remember I wish we could just land at Semarang or anywhere and continue the journey by bus or train or whatever.

It was the longest 90 minutes I ever had. When the captain talked to us, telling us that though we did have some turbulence, there was nothing to worry about, I tried to loosen up. He said that we would land in 30 minutes. I moved my seating position, so I could sit more relax. But I still counted every seconds.

When we finally landed, I thanked God. I almost cried.  There was an urge to stand up and to applause the captain for landing the plane safely, but it would be too much of a scene. Then  I saw K tucked his head down. I never saw him that way. I asked, "What did you do?". "I said my gratitude." It was wow. Between I and K, I was the more paranoid one, he was the one who calmed me down. I knew K was afraid too, but I didn't think he was as afraid as I was.

Maybe I was overreacted, over paranoid. Maybe it was the ordinary turbulence. Whatever it was, I am thankful it was over. And yes, I will keep my promise to God. To be better, to be less cynical, to be more lovable.

I learned something though. I learned that surrender is not as easy as it sounds. If I surrendered, I would not be that afraid. It would be easier and I would be calmer when I surrender to God. I guess it applies to all things in life. 

Paradise

Hi Guys! How are you? I wish you all good, though it is flood everywhere, here in Jakarta.

We, I and K just got back from Bali. Yes, Bali! Spending three days at Bali was heaven. If you know how much K loves sun, you won't be surprised see his grin when we landed at Ngurah Rai Airport. The truth is, I was surprised for I didn't think it would be that wide. Lol.

We had a blast there. Thank to Grc and Mtn for taking us almost everywhere. Le Kabron, Habitual, Motel Mexicola and a coffee shop called Revolver are the place you should visit when you are in Bali.

Actually we had a photo shoot at Bali. It was unplanned. We just wanted to get a short getaway, but then a friend of us, Prt, came to me a week ago. She said that she had a friend who would love to do a photo session for a gay couple. It was 'wow'. Why not?

So it was set. On Monday, C, a wedding photographer, with Prt and their colleges, Zfn, came to our hotel. It was nice and fun. We had never had any photo session whatsoever, but C was so great. She said she was gonna send those pics to us today. Exciting! You'll be able to see those pics soon. K would share it on his instagram account I guess. Thank to C and Prt for making this happen. It was such an honor. Super really.

It was too short, spending three days at Bali. I think there would be enough time. We love Bali, I even llove the sun there. I wish I could move there soon. Maybe it won't be that soon, but definitely we'll be back.  


 

New Business and Overwhelmingly Amazed

Last November K and I went to my hometown to visit my parents and to celebrate my sister's birthday. There we went to a fabric store to buy some batik for K. It wasn't our first time. Since it was hard for us to find batik shirt that fit our bodies, we always have our batik tailored.

A couple days later, when K was taking a shower in the morning as he shouted, "Hey, why don't we sell batik?"

The idea of having our own business had been there all along, but it had never come to realization until that day. I called my mom soon after we discussed the idea. Long story short, we decided to start our business, selling batik for modern young men.

It was practically 2 months of stressed, there were some trouble with the tailor, misplaced label and so on. But finally we managed to launched @krishanbatik as we promised, yesterday on January 21st 2015, a month before our second anniversary. It was only 4 sets of Batik, but at least  we kept our promised.

What made me happier yesterday was the responses we got from our fellows. They put love on our "commercial", wished us success and even more re-path/re-gram/re-tweet it. They visited our website, they shared our facebook page, they followed our instagram. Some of them really put an effort to give us suggestion and advice. It really meant a lot for us, for me.

More over, a friend of mine, on his status said that he fell in love with our batik, though he never touched our product. He promoted our batik on his path and later he was like a spoke-person of ours. He said, "I believe the good things should be shared and recognized by others, not just for the sake of commercial purpose alone, but it is also meaningful work for them." WOW! I honestly never thought of that.

Another friend said that he was happy when he visited our website. Happy? Isn't that such a strong word? I would expect "like", but "happy"?

I am amazed. I feel appreciated. It is our business yet I feel  like everyone owns it, in a tremendous way. The stars align for us. This, again, means a lot for us, as this is our first business, our first stepping stone, it is indeed a meaningful work for us. I can't say nothing but "thank you" to all of you, to all of our friends and fellows. I do hope I can fulfill your expectation by selling good and fine batik with affordable price.

Again, thank you and have good days ahead.

In the end, please follow our instagram @krishanbatik. We have more surprises soon. Cheers!

My Time Has (Not) Come

This afternoon I had a chit-chat with a friend. I asked how his love life and he shared almost everything. He said that he met several persons. He was connected with some of them, but not physically attracted. The rest had good shapes, but were not good enough in conversation.

At the end of the conversation he thought that maybe his time (to have a relationship) hadn't come yet.

Telling the truth, how many of us do face the same reality?

Another friend of mine had ever blogged about his preference in choosing his partner. He said he met someone who was totally good in conversation, who was smart and so on, but when he saw his picture, it was such a turn off and he went away saying maybe it wasn't his time.

Is it only me to find it funny?

Isn't it funny how we believe that our time hasn't come, when we shut it out? How do we expect someone come to our lives when we never take the chances with anyone who is kind to us but doesn't meet our standard?

We often are blinded by looks, by packaging, by what meets the eye.

I am not saying that it is wrong to have preferences, but why don't we give it a shot? Not to have a relationship just yet, but to know more, to dig deeper, to give them chances before decide that we won't be happy with someone who is not in your so-called league?

My love story didn't begin with a perfect guy came to my life. It began with two opened hearts. It began with taking a leap of faith, for both of us.

Alive

Couple days ago a very best friend of mine told me a bad news. He said he was dumped by his boyfriend. It wasn't a long relationship, I didn't even know that he was in relationship, but it was heartbreaking. I hate break-ups.

I was surprised, not because of the break-up, but because he was in a relationship. This long friend of mine, just call him Andrew, he had this strong stance about gay relationship. Being raised in a traditionally Chinese culture and living in a town far from hustle and bustle like Jakarta for his whole life, he was indeed a family guy, and he would set aside his ego (and maybe love life) for the sake of his parents' happiness. He stated over and over that he would marry a girl, that he would try his best to do so. He had a girlfriend once but they didn't make it and became friends ever since. He had never been in any relationship with men whatsoever, because he didn't want it, until last October.


Long story short, he fell for this guy, a guy next door, who had his education abroad and just came home for couple months. He was resistant at the beginning for what he believed and he was trying hard not to fall. But this guy, Darren, was persistent. And finally, he fell in love. Hard. It was maybe the best two months he ever had until this young guy, decided to go to Jakarta for some business. This was when all the problems started to follow.

Darren was getting afar. "Miss" and "love" were never there like they used to. Until one day, Darren broke Andrew up. Andrew tried his best to respect Darren's decision. Broken-hearted, Andrew let Darren go.


In our midnight talk, I remember Andrew asking me this:
"Beb (he called me bebeb), what would you prefer for me, marrying a girl or having a relationship with man?"
After long pause I answered, "I would prefer you to be happy."
He said, "You didn't answer my question. Answer me, please."
Then I said, "With a man..."
"I knew it, I knew it." he said.
I laughed and continued, "In my eyes, you are happier that way. You can say that you haven't met the right girl yet. But from your stories about Darren, I can feel that you are alive. It's like Darren brought moments of happiness that you never felt before. These times you may find that it is devastating, being dumped and everything, but look at the bright side, you have found who you really are. You know what makes you happy. You know how vulnerable you are when you are in love. You can fool anyone, but you can't fool yourself (and me by all means, Lol)."

The conversation continued,

Me : "And yet you said you didn't regret any of them."
Andrew : "Ahh, you got me. I don't."


Note. I wrote this post with Andrew's approval.