Fight!

How's your Valentine?

Mine was fine. Having 3 packs of instant noodle, not in a fancy restaurant (please don't try to make any reservation, even for 2, in the last minutes, it won't work, lesson learned, LOL), but in our home sweet home, was more than enough for us. The love and happiness was in the air. Hope your Valentine as good as ours, whatever you had, wherever you had it.

Valentine brought love and hope, hopefully. Many people used this moment to declare their love, to start a commitment, to have a new life. It was beautiful (though it was kinda old-skul, hahaha). The thing was they did it, sometimes just because it was the trend. The question was "Are you ready?"

Some of my closest fellas might be annoyed and bored when I told them that we had to had a fight, at least once, before we decided to be together. As harsh as it may sounds, I believe it is the true thing.

Let me put it this way. When someone approaches you and you have the same feeling with him, you may feel that the moments you have with him are the best. You spend time kissing, hugging, holding hands in movies, having romantic dinners, laughing on each other's joke and so on and so on. Then, in no time, he or you will propose, and the other will say yes. The romantic moments will continue for 2 or 3 months, and then BAM!  The honeymoon period is over. You will be back to reality. There are two heads in your relationship. You can't really be 'free'. You can't make decision by your own. You will eventually have disagreements. You realize that he is not he used to be, he is not what you expect him to be. And you have no idea how to deal with it. And you are too late to step back.

Having disagreement before you are committed is important (at least from my point of view). How you and your partner deal with it is crucial in a relationship. It shows how your partner reacts to a problem, it measures how mature he is (of course it works vice versa). And more importantly, it shows whether he is acceptable for your 'standards' or not. Though you may say that you have no criteria whatsoever for someone whom will be your partner, you have expectations of what he is. This disagreement shows that somehow he doesn't meet your expectation. 
These questions might help you when you fight:

- Are we solving the problem, or are we making it worse?

- Am I listening to what he says and he is to mine?

- Has he crossed the line? 
- Can I accept him for he is now? 
- Am I ready to deal with this unexceptional thing in the future? 

I said before in my previous posts that we have to learn to accept our partner for whatever he is, but it ain't the same at this level. You are not committed to this guy, yet. You can't force yourself to accept this guy for whatever he is at this stage, there's a plenty of time later when you are committed. This is the time when you ask yourself about that. If you can't, then he might not be suitable for you. 

Arguments and fights are common things between two people.  In a relationship you can expect to have more arguments, disagreements, and fights than before you are committed to each other. 

A "Yes, I will" is not the end. It's a start of a long journey. It is a start where both of you work with two heads, because there will be no you nor me, there will be only us. It won't be easy. But it will be easier if you know who you are dealing with.