You Deserve Better

I hold no grudge whatsoever to any gay who will marry a girl someday. I wish you all happiness. This conversation is posted to remind other gays who choose the 'other' side, to take care of your heart, when something like this happen. You deserve happiness and certainty, no matter how lonely you may feel. Take a leap of faith, that the right man is there, dreaming the same dream with you.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

08:56 Morning mate

08:59 Morning

09:00 Are you working at P?

09:00 I have a friend from P here hahaha...

09:01 Yeah. What's his name?

09:02 DS. You know him?

09:02 No. But I may recognize him when I see him.

09:05 A bit serious topic, what’s your point of view of someone who does this gay lifestyle, and still decide to marry afterwards, H? You know, have a "normal" family with wife and kids.

09:06 First of all, gay is not a lifestyle. It offends me personally lol. Well, it's personal choice I guess. He has his reason to have a normal family. Will he be happy? No one know. He may. I can’t judge him for what he believe.

09:08 Hmmm. He insisted it to be an alternative lifestyle. He thought it was just a fun way, while single. Yeah, i guess so, we can’t judge someone by his choice.

09:08 I think he is delusional or he is in denial phase. Lol. It’s not about choosing to be gay or not. It's a choice on how you will live your life, to be true to yourself.

09:09 But what if he decide to hook up with me? I honestly feel confused when I listened to his story. He seemed nice, conversation was going well. Until it slipped from his tongue. Ehm.... maybe because I dont feel anything about a girl, I mean I always like guys since I could remember, it surely makes me wonder, sooooo really? You want to be in a relationship, but then decide to marry a woman someday?

09:13 U know the consequences. I mean if i were u, I wouldn’t even start.

09:14 Yeah, i try to deny things too, I think, naively, he would realized that he was gay, and this thought of marrying woman would be gone. But it felt like I was fooling myself.

09:14 U can’t expect that. Seriously. It's, sorry, kinda stupid.

09:14 You don’t have to feel sorry every time you speak your minds, H.

09:14 You did read my blog, eh? What united K and I was our dream. Our same goal.

09:15 Yes. About bali, about marrying, about having kid(s)?

09:15 Yeah, about growing old together. Well, we never know how long we could stay together, be together. But at least, we have something to hold while things get rough. While, in your case, I am not so sure. U will have this relationship while you are looking over your shoulder every now and then. It ain’t healthy. Clearly you are not his priority, and when the time comes, will u be ready? Will u have enough of him?

09:18 Me myself think, hm... how come we walk together if we don’t have same destination?

09:18 Maybe you do, maybe you have the same partial destination. But it sounds silly to put give heart to someone who will leave you eventually. Again, relationship starts with feelings. But remember, what makes it last is commitment.

09:19 Oh my! I couldn’t imagine that H! Yeah.. :(. We remain just friend now. But yaaaaaa you know, you think over and over, did you make a right decision?

09:20 For not having a relationship with this guy? It's the best decision!

09:22 I mean, i try to convince myself, he is still confuse and maybe you can help him. But on the other side, GOD! What are you thinking, into changing someone??

09:22 Yeah. It happens. It happens when your feelings take over your mind. Hahahaha… U have feeling for this guy, dont u?

09:23 Yeah I think so H, thanks... you make feel a little bit better...

09:23 You want it to be true.

09:24 Phew! Sometimes I hate when the heart takes over my head, it rarely happens, but when it happens, the feeling really intense and disturb me -_-

09:26 It's understandable i guess. It's always nice to know someone wants us

09:27 Yeah hahahaha.... it surely boost the confidence!

09:28 But you don’t want a temporary relationship, do you?

09:32 Nope H, I don’t. As old fashioned as I was, (and I really know in our world, we never know how long we could be together), yes I always look for this right man to walk together. I don’t want temporary things, for fun things, anything that could distract me just for a while. He told me, he broke with his last bf because, he still likes to play (I didnt ask what exactly the “play” was, but I understand now I guess)

09:42 See!!!! And you wanted him! Are u out of ur mind!????!?? He might use the same reason when he is with u. And if this guy is who I think he is, you are just too naïve.

09:45 Hahahahahahahaha.... yeah H :( I guess the mind didn’t work back then. Lucky me, I’m not spontaneous person, so i have time to think over. GOSH! What happened with me! Phew... here i am, 29 years old, almost blindsided by love...

09:53 You are sure it was love?

09:53 Hahahaha! You know how to use words for sure! Maybe it’s just lust?!

09:58 I dont know. Maybe it's just loneliness.

10:00 Hm.... it get more and more pathetic hahahaha...

10:02 Sorry, lol.

10:04 Hahaha... it’s ok. Anyway thanks for sharing your opinion, it makes me feel better.

10:06 Really? I didn’t make u feel worse? I am known as cynical person.

10:29 Nope, I always apreciate an honest person. They are harder to find Although sugar coated words is good to hear, sometimes hard truth is something you need.

10:32 Hahaha. Okay then

10:36 Hahaha... have a nice day mate!

10:47 U too