This afternoon I had a chit-chat with a friend. I asked how his love life and he shared almost everything. He said that he met several persons. He was connected with some of them, but not physically attracted. The rest had good shapes, but were not good enough in conversation.
At the end of the conversation he thought that maybe his time (to have a relationship) hadn't come yet.
Telling the truth, how many of us do face the same reality?
Another friend of mine had ever blogged about his preference in choosing his partner. He said he met someone who was totally good in conversation, who was smart and so on, but when he saw his picture, it was such a turn off and he went away saying maybe it wasn't his time.
Is it only me to find it funny?
Isn't it funny how we believe that our time hasn't come, when we shut it out? How do we expect someone come to our lives when we never take the chances with anyone who is kind to us but doesn't meet our standard?
We often are blinded by looks, by packaging, by what meets the eye.
I am not saying that it is wrong to have preferences, but why don't we give it a shot? Not to have a relationship just yet, but to know more, to dig deeper, to give them chances before decide that we won't be happy with someone who is not in your so-called league?
My love story didn't begin with a perfect guy came to my life. It began with two opened hearts. It began with taking a leap of faith, for both of us.
Monday, January 12, 2015
Alive
Couple days ago a very best friend of mine told me a bad news. He said he was dumped by his boyfriend. It wasn't a long relationship, I didn't even know that he was in relationship, but it was heartbreaking. I hate break-ups.
I was surprised, not because of the break-up, but because he was in a relationship. This long friend of mine, just call him Andrew, he had this strong stance about gay relationship. Being raised in a traditionally Chinese culture and living in a town far from hustle and bustle like Jakarta for his whole life, he was indeed a family guy, and he would set aside his ego (and maybe love life) for the sake of his parents' happiness. He stated over and over that he would marry a girl, that he would try his best to do so. He had a girlfriend once but they didn't make it and became friends ever since. He had never been in any relationship with men whatsoever, because he didn't want it, until last October.
Long story short, he fell for this guy, a guy next door, who had his education abroad and just came home for couple months. He was resistant at the beginning for what he believed and he was trying hard not to fall. But this guy, Darren, was persistent. And finally, he fell in love. Hard. It was maybe the best two months he ever had until this young guy, decided to go to Jakarta for some business. This was when all the problems started to follow.
Darren was getting afar. "Miss" and "love" were never there like they used to. Until one day, Darren broke Andrew up. Andrew tried his best to respect Darren's decision. Broken-hearted, Andrew let Darren go.
In our midnight talk, I remember Andrew asking me this:
"Beb (he called me bebeb), what would you prefer for me, marrying a girl or having a relationship with man?"
After long pause I answered, "I would prefer you to be happy."
He said, "You didn't answer my question. Answer me, please."
Then I said, "With a man..."
"I knew it, I knew it." he said.
I laughed and continued, "In my eyes, you are happier that way. You can say that you haven't met the right girl yet. But from your stories about Darren, I can feel that you are alive. It's like Darren brought moments of happiness that you never felt before. These times you may find that it is devastating, being dumped and everything, but look at the bright side, you have found who you really are. You know what makes you happy. You know how vulnerable you are when you are in love. You can fool anyone, but you can't fool yourself (and me by all means, Lol)."
The conversation continued,
Me : "And yet you said you didn't regret any of them."
Andrew : "Ahh, you got me. I don't."
Note. I wrote this post with Andrew's approval.
I was surprised, not because of the break-up, but because he was in a relationship. This long friend of mine, just call him Andrew, he had this strong stance about gay relationship. Being raised in a traditionally Chinese culture and living in a town far from hustle and bustle like Jakarta for his whole life, he was indeed a family guy, and he would set aside his ego (and maybe love life) for the sake of his parents' happiness. He stated over and over that he would marry a girl, that he would try his best to do so. He had a girlfriend once but they didn't make it and became friends ever since. He had never been in any relationship with men whatsoever, because he didn't want it, until last October.
Long story short, he fell for this guy, a guy next door, who had his education abroad and just came home for couple months. He was resistant at the beginning for what he believed and he was trying hard not to fall. But this guy, Darren, was persistent. And finally, he fell in love. Hard. It was maybe the best two months he ever had until this young guy, decided to go to Jakarta for some business. This was when all the problems started to follow.
Darren was getting afar. "Miss" and "love" were never there like they used to. Until one day, Darren broke Andrew up. Andrew tried his best to respect Darren's decision. Broken-hearted, Andrew let Darren go.
In our midnight talk, I remember Andrew asking me this:
"Beb (he called me bebeb), what would you prefer for me, marrying a girl or having a relationship with man?"
After long pause I answered, "I would prefer you to be happy."
He said, "You didn't answer my question. Answer me, please."
Then I said, "With a man..."
"I knew it, I knew it." he said.
I laughed and continued, "In my eyes, you are happier that way. You can say that you haven't met the right girl yet. But from your stories about Darren, I can feel that you are alive. It's like Darren brought moments of happiness that you never felt before. These times you may find that it is devastating, being dumped and everything, but look at the bright side, you have found who you really are. You know what makes you happy. You know how vulnerable you are when you are in love. You can fool anyone, but you can't fool yourself (and me by all means, Lol)."
The conversation continued,
Me : "And yet you said you didn't regret any of them."
Andrew : "Ahh, you got me. I don't."
Note. I wrote this post with Andrew's approval.
Wednesday, January 7, 2015
Plan B
One evening on the last days of December 2014, a friend asked me what I would have on New Year's Eve. I simply told him that I had no plan (though I thought it would be great if I and K could have dinner at Ninety-Nine Pesanggrahan). He said he would like to celebrate New Year's Eve together along with K. I asked him if it was okay if we had it at Ninety-Nine, but he didn't want to, so we planned to have dinner at Sarinah instead.
On December, 31st 2014, I was on leave and stayed home for whole day. Too bad for K, his office spared him no holiday. Lol. I talked to K on Whatsapp, asking him whether I should contact our friend to ensure our appointment. K said that I didn't need to do that. So I just waited at my home, I didn't have anything to do after all.
K was back around 6 p.m then we decided to watch TV. It was just relaxing laying on our bed and we didn't realize we spent almost 5 hours watching TV. The thing was our friend didn't show up, let alone let us know his whereabouts.
I took my phone, and browsed Path. And I found our friend posted a picture of him with his friends celebrating New Year's Eve. I was like "Oh Okay".
---
Couple days after New Year, another friend asked us if we had time to have dinner. Since we have K's mom cook for us for dinner, we told her that it would be great if we had dinner at our apartment. She said okay.
And you can guess, it was no-show and no-news. We got another stood-up.
Again I took my phone, and browsed Path. And I found our friend posted a status of her with her friends having dinner at someplace that I couldn't remember. It was another "oh okay" for me.
---
I wasn't mad, I was just disappointed on how they treated us. They weren't our first but believe me, it didn't get any easier to be stood-up. Maybe I was wrong that I didn't talk to him/her to ensure our appointment. But I thought would it kill him/her to at least let us know if he/she had another plan?
It came to our consideration, had we done the same thing to other people?
We make plan with anyone, but when we get a better plan (or at least it sounds better), we take it. We make them a back-up plan, they get stood-up, they are our Plan B.
It's human I think, to go for a better option in every aspect of life. But still, we owe someone, the one we make plan with, to at least let him/her know if we cancel our plan. We owe them that much.
In my friend's word : plan or appointment creates expectation, and in the process we sacrifice something, such as time. I second that, when we let people provide their time for us in an appointment, it becomes our courtesy to let them know should we cancel it.
Let's learn to cherish people, to appreciate their time. Happy New Year!!!
On December, 31st 2014, I was on leave and stayed home for whole day. Too bad for K, his office spared him no holiday. Lol. I talked to K on Whatsapp, asking him whether I should contact our friend to ensure our appointment. K said that I didn't need to do that. So I just waited at my home, I didn't have anything to do after all.
K was back around 6 p.m then we decided to watch TV. It was just relaxing laying on our bed and we didn't realize we spent almost 5 hours watching TV. The thing was our friend didn't show up, let alone let us know his whereabouts.
I took my phone, and browsed Path. And I found our friend posted a picture of him with his friends celebrating New Year's Eve. I was like "Oh Okay".
---
Couple days after New Year, another friend asked us if we had time to have dinner. Since we have K's mom cook for us for dinner, we told her that it would be great if we had dinner at our apartment. She said okay.
And you can guess, it was no-show and no-news. We got another stood-up.
Again I took my phone, and browsed Path. And I found our friend posted a status of her with her friends having dinner at someplace that I couldn't remember. It was another "oh okay" for me.
---
I wasn't mad, I was just disappointed on how they treated us. They weren't our first but believe me, it didn't get any easier to be stood-up. Maybe I was wrong that I didn't talk to him/her to ensure our appointment. But I thought would it kill him/her to at least let us know if he/she had another plan?
It came to our consideration, had we done the same thing to other people?
We make plan with anyone, but when we get a better plan (or at least it sounds better), we take it. We make them a back-up plan, they get stood-up, they are our Plan B.
It's human I think, to go for a better option in every aspect of life. But still, we owe someone, the one we make plan with, to at least let him/her know if we cancel our plan. We owe them that much.
In my friend's word : plan or appointment creates expectation, and in the process we sacrifice something, such as time. I second that, when we let people provide their time for us in an appointment, it becomes our courtesy to let them know should we cancel it.
Let's learn to cherish people, to appreciate their time. Happy New Year!!!
Monday, December 1, 2014
Meet The O's
Hey, how are you guys? It's been a while, eh?
It's been a tiring week for me. No, not with works, but with our future business plan. Yeah, we want to start a new business. But it's for another bed time story. I want to share what happen last Saturday.
My dearest K celebrated his 28 birthday last Friday. It was normal, no party. no surprises, no even birthday cake from me. Bad boyfriend, eh? LOL. But I did gave him two presents. I won't tell you though. As you may know, K has 3 sisters. Coincidentally, K and his two sisters have birthdays that close to each others'. To celebrate it together they planned to go to Bandung.
So, the whole family, but his oldest sister, went to Bandung last Saturday. And I came along. Yes! I did. K told me that his parents asked me to come. Whoa... not that I was nervous meeting K's family, I met his mom almost every week, but it was different. His sisters' husbands may have no idea who K really is. So this was like another came out for K. And for what I know, K's father was rather reluctant of accepting his son being gay. I am not saying that he wasn't good to me, he was super good to me. But deep in his heart, he must be trying so hard. So I think it was also K's parents' coming out, too. Though I was afraid meeting his whole family, but it wasn't only about me. His family reputation was at stake. If anything went wrong, it would be because of me, dating their son. Well, maybe I was over thinking, like always.
It turned out to be super awesome. I was having fun. I felt accepted by his whole family. We talked, we laughed our asses off, we ate a lot. I played with his nephew, I carried his niece on my arms. I was blessed to experience this. Something that I would never imagined before. I felt like I was family. I love his family. I love being around them.
On our way home to Jakarta, I looked at K while he was driving. That moment I was sure, not that I wasn't before, that this guy was the one I wanted to have family with, the one I wanted to grow old with. I was smiling when K caught me and asked, "Why are you staring at me?". I smiled and said, "Nothing".
It's been a tiring week for me. No, not with works, but with our future business plan. Yeah, we want to start a new business. But it's for another bed time story. I want to share what happen last Saturday.
My dearest K celebrated his 28 birthday last Friday. It was normal, no party. no surprises, no even birthday cake from me. Bad boyfriend, eh? LOL. But I did gave him two presents. I won't tell you though. As you may know, K has 3 sisters. Coincidentally, K and his two sisters have birthdays that close to each others'. To celebrate it together they planned to go to Bandung.
So, the whole family, but his oldest sister, went to Bandung last Saturday. And I came along. Yes! I did. K told me that his parents asked me to come. Whoa... not that I was nervous meeting K's family, I met his mom almost every week, but it was different. His sisters' husbands may have no idea who K really is. So this was like another came out for K. And for what I know, K's father was rather reluctant of accepting his son being gay. I am not saying that he wasn't good to me, he was super good to me. But deep in his heart, he must be trying so hard. So I think it was also K's parents' coming out, too. Though I was afraid meeting his whole family, but it wasn't only about me. His family reputation was at stake. If anything went wrong, it would be because of me, dating their son. Well, maybe I was over thinking, like always.
It turned out to be super awesome. I was having fun. I felt accepted by his whole family. We talked, we laughed our asses off, we ate a lot. I played with his nephew, I carried his niece on my arms. I was blessed to experience this. Something that I would never imagined before. I felt like I was family. I love his family. I love being around them.
On our way home to Jakarta, I looked at K while he was driving. That moment I was sure, not that I wasn't before, that this guy was the one I wanted to have family with, the one I wanted to grow old with. I was smiling when K caught me and asked, "Why are you staring at me?". I smiled and said, "Nothing".
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
So Called Confusion
"Galau" is one of the most trending word these days. I went to Google translate, it translated "galau" to "confusion". It ain't exactly perfect. But yeah, "galau" is confusion, a state of mind where people think they don't know what to do, especially in love matters.
I hardly spend a day without reading "galau" in my Path. Most of the "galau" posts are about finding Mr. Right. They are about break-ups, rejections, hanging-hopes, and so on. Love matters.
For most gays, we look for our soulmate via those dating-apps. We say 'hi' to many of those good-looking ones (or anyone matches our criteria). We talk to them. Then we meet them. Sometimes it ends on bed, sometimes it continues to second date but ends in the process, and sometimes it just really ends after first meeting.
When it ends, we grieve, we have "galau" mood, then we try again to find another man in those apps, or maybe through friends. But the cycle remains the same.
There's a guy I know, every time he went to me through Whatsapps, he would ask, "Hey, would you introduce me to a guy?" At first I tried to hook him up, but then after couple times, it got me laugh my head-off. It was so absurd because he didn't only ask me, but also asked my friends. It was just so pathetic.
We try so hard, even too hard. We don't realize we don't give ourselves a little break. We hardly breath. There isn't one moment we spend without thinking about boys, about our future partners. We forget to enjoy our lives.
Is it about happiness? Maybe we think that we will be happy if we have someone on our side. We envy them who have boyfriends, because they seem so happy together. Having a relationship isn't about being happy, it is about sharing our happiness. And trust me, you won't be happy in a relationship if you are not happy when you are single. How can you bring happiness into a relationship if you are not happy with yourself?
I am not saying that we should stop trying or looking for our right ones. I am saying we may need to stop for a while, to enjoy our lives, to cherish our times without thinking about men (or sex even). There's so much more our lives offer than just having a relationship.
If you are 27-ish or even younger, I think it would be nicer if you use the chance to explore what you love most first. Do what you like, find your passion, work your ass off, be success. It's not that when you are partnered you can't do those things, but when you are, your chance will be limited. There will be one or two things you should sacrifice for the sake of your relationship. There will be so much time for relationship later, when you grow maturer.
I hardly spend a day without reading "galau" in my Path. Most of the "galau" posts are about finding Mr. Right. They are about break-ups, rejections, hanging-hopes, and so on. Love matters.
For most gays, we look for our soulmate via those dating-apps. We say 'hi' to many of those good-looking ones (or anyone matches our criteria). We talk to them. Then we meet them. Sometimes it ends on bed, sometimes it continues to second date but ends in the process, and sometimes it just really ends after first meeting.
When it ends, we grieve, we have "galau" mood, then we try again to find another man in those apps, or maybe through friends. But the cycle remains the same.
There's a guy I know, every time he went to me through Whatsapps, he would ask, "Hey, would you introduce me to a guy?" At first I tried to hook him up, but then after couple times, it got me laugh my head-off. It was so absurd because he didn't only ask me, but also asked my friends. It was just so pathetic.
We try so hard, even too hard. We don't realize we don't give ourselves a little break. We hardly breath. There isn't one moment we spend without thinking about boys, about our future partners. We forget to enjoy our lives.
Is it about happiness? Maybe we think that we will be happy if we have someone on our side. We envy them who have boyfriends, because they seem so happy together. Having a relationship isn't about being happy, it is about sharing our happiness. And trust me, you won't be happy in a relationship if you are not happy when you are single. How can you bring happiness into a relationship if you are not happy with yourself?
I am not saying that we should stop trying or looking for our right ones. I am saying we may need to stop for a while, to enjoy our lives, to cherish our times without thinking about men (or sex even). There's so much more our lives offer than just having a relationship.
If you are 27-ish or even younger, I think it would be nicer if you use the chance to explore what you love most first. Do what you like, find your passion, work your ass off, be success. It's not that when you are partnered you can't do those things, but when you are, your chance will be limited. There will be one or two things you should sacrifice for the sake of your relationship. There will be so much time for relationship later, when you grow maturer.
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
Vicious Circle
These days I feel mad. I am frustrated. And above all, I am tired.
You know, I love sharing. I love hearing people talk to me. It enriches me. When they do, I empathize with them. I listen hard.
When they ask what to do, I offer solution, I offer a way out. I share my paradigm. I share my opinion. I put real effort to do so.
But then, people tend to follow their own gut. They don't think straight, they do what they shouldn't do and their problems get bigger than ever or sometimes history just repeats itself.
I know I am not in their shoes, I can't see through their glasses. I know what they do may be the best they can do. But when they come to me with, again tears or grievance, it exhausts me. I don't want to be the one who tell them, "I told you so," over and over again.
It's not once, it ain't twice. It's thousand times. And it happens to people dearest to me.
I am tired, I am fed up. It drains my energy. So I am being cynical, or even sarcastic and harsh. Then they feel offended, and they stay away from me. A friend told me that this world was full of people like that, they were not ready to hear the ugly truth, they wanted to be "comforted" in different ways.
Again, I love sharing. But it will be great if they are willing to step forward and to deal with their problems, instead of wanting to be listened to all the time over the same case again and again.
I guess, it's my vicious circle. Should I less care?
PS. K, I think it would be nice to have a vacation, on a remote island, just you and me. *wink*
You know, I love sharing. I love hearing people talk to me. It enriches me. When they do, I empathize with them. I listen hard.
When they ask what to do, I offer solution, I offer a way out. I share my paradigm. I share my opinion. I put real effort to do so.
But then, people tend to follow their own gut. They don't think straight, they do what they shouldn't do and their problems get bigger than ever or sometimes history just repeats itself.
I know I am not in their shoes, I can't see through their glasses. I know what they do may be the best they can do. But when they come to me with, again tears or grievance, it exhausts me. I don't want to be the one who tell them, "I told you so," over and over again.
It's not once, it ain't twice. It's thousand times. And it happens to people dearest to me.
I am tired, I am fed up. It drains my energy. So I am being cynical, or even sarcastic and harsh. Then they feel offended, and they stay away from me. A friend told me that this world was full of people like that, they were not ready to hear the ugly truth, they wanted to be "comforted" in different ways.
Again, I love sharing. But it will be great if they are willing to step forward and to deal with their problems, instead of wanting to be listened to all the time over the same case again and again.
I guess, it's my vicious circle. Should I less care?
PS. K, I think it would be nice to have a vacation, on a remote island, just you and me. *wink*
Friday, November 7, 2014
Stepping Up My Game
“You will face your greatest opposition when you are closest to your biggest miracle.”
― Shannon L. Alder
Your grammar sucks.
I recommend you to take English class before writing a blog.
*STRONGLY recommend
I was shocked when I read this yesterday. I just sit and stared at my phone. Someone wrote me that on my Jack'd. I took a deep breath and replied," Haha.Thank you. Much appreciated."
I know for sure that my English is not perfect, far from perfect. But I never thought that it was that bad so I should take an English class. I questioned my English, "Is it really that bad?". So I went to some of my friends, my blog readers, showed that message and waited for their reactions.
- Not that bad tho'. Your English is improving post by post.
- Who was that? So rude.
- Hey, come on, I think J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter was perfect because of the editor's hand. Your English is quite good. Please keep writing.
- I like your blog, no matter what.
- It's a blog. You're not writing the next great English classic literature. Don't let the heartless idiot bother you. He's just seeking for your attention. Maybe a secret admirer. :)
- No. I think you're even extremely good.
- Oh, I don't think it's that bad. I say ignore lol.
- I think he said it for himself. You speak English well.
- I can't say it is perfect, but above average already. He is over reacting. Heck with him.
- Ignore him, but your reply is excellent. I love it, spread love not war. It's not excellent but it's pretty good.
- You really need to know, it wasn't constructive critic. And some people like to use that just to make them feel better about themselves.
They did make me feel better. But hey it's me, the one who overthinks. LOL. So I took a moment to think. Well, scratch 'moment', I did take 'some' time. And I came to a conclusion.
I am climbing to the top. And on my way there will be not only friends or readers who love what I write, but there will be also harsh-critics and maybe haters. All I have to do is keep writing for I love writing, and of course I will try as hard as I can to improve my English. I am stepping up my game.
I consider that so-called heartless comment as a monument, my stepping stone for it doesn't stop me from writing (I even write about this, LOL), hence I will write better and I will write more.
So, I guess it's a 'Thank You' then. For you all.
... and let me wait for my greatest opposition, for my biggest miracle is coming...
― Shannon L. Alder
Your grammar sucks.
I recommend you to take English class before writing a blog.
*STRONGLY recommend
I was shocked when I read this yesterday. I just sit and stared at my phone. Someone wrote me that on my Jack'd. I took a deep breath and replied," Haha.Thank you. Much appreciated."
I know for sure that my English is not perfect, far from perfect. But I never thought that it was that bad so I should take an English class. I questioned my English, "Is it really that bad?". So I went to some of my friends, my blog readers, showed that message and waited for their reactions.
- Not that bad tho'. Your English is improving post by post.
- Who was that? So rude.
- Hey, come on, I think J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter was perfect because of the editor's hand. Your English is quite good. Please keep writing.
- I like your blog, no matter what.
- It's a blog. You're not writing the next great English classic literature. Don't let the heartless idiot bother you. He's just seeking for your attention. Maybe a secret admirer. :)
- No. I think you're even extremely good.
- Oh, I don't think it's that bad. I say ignore lol.
- I think he said it for himself. You speak English well.
- I can't say it is perfect, but above average already. He is over reacting. Heck with him.
- Ignore him, but your reply is excellent. I love it, spread love not war. It's not excellent but it's pretty good.
- You really need to know, it wasn't constructive critic. And some people like to use that just to make them feel better about themselves.
They did make me feel better. But hey it's me, the one who overthinks. LOL. So I took a moment to think. Well, scratch 'moment', I did take 'some' time. And I came to a conclusion.
I am climbing to the top. And on my way there will be not only friends or readers who love what I write, but there will be also harsh-critics and maybe haters. All I have to do is keep writing for I love writing, and of course I will try as hard as I can to improve my English. I am stepping up my game.
I consider that so-called heartless comment as a monument, my stepping stone for it doesn't stop me from writing (I even write about this, LOL), hence I will write better and I will write more.
So, I guess it's a 'Thank You' then. For you all.
... and let me wait for my greatest opposition, for my biggest miracle is coming...
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