Demanding Heart

Hey, guys! Wuddup?
It's been a week since my last post. I was sick this week. I got fever and cough. Hoh! I barely breathed. But I'm getting better now, thank God.

I wish I could write this in better situation. My week got worse because we had these stupid little arguments, and today's was the worst.

It just happen, not more than an hour ago. My better half got an interview for a new company this morning, and since he didn't want to go back to office after the interview, he went to gym near my office. Long story short, he asked me out for lunch. I, of course, said yes. I did have my lunch box, but I thought I could eat it later.

Couple minutes before lunch time, he texted me.
"Beb, why don't you eat your lunchbox? Sam asked me to meet him. May I go lunch with him? No hard feeling, Beb."
I was hurt. It was not because I was jealous, it felt like blindsided, I felt not good.
He made a deal with me, and he was gonna pick me for lunch date. Then he cancelled on me to go with another guy, and acted like he cared about my lunchbox. Later I knew he already said yes to Sam before he asked me. Then what was the point asking my permission?

I was mad. I was blindsided. It really hurt me. I confronted him and he wondered why I did so. He blamed me for being too sensitive and all. Gosh, maybe I was overreacted, but it did hurt.

I tried to explain what I felt to him. And then he apologized, and underlined that he didn't mean to. I forgave him no matter what. But the pain was still there.

You may be able to pull out nails you've hammered on a block of wood, but the hole will still be there, no matter how good you cover them.

I was spending another five minutes in my office toilet, crying. I'm a mushy, eh? I am. LoL.

Well, I am not a perfect person, nobody does. What I learn is he's not a perfect man either. He has flaws. And his flaws may hurt me once in a while. But with my demanding heart, I still love him. I love him for he is not ashamed admitting that he was wrong, I love him for who he is. And I know he loves me and he is committed to me.

It is not easy to say you love someone when you are really mad and hurt by them. But love is all about commitment eh? I won't give up because of this little fight. I just won't.

This post may make me cry again some other time, but this post also will remind me that in a relationship we may hurt each other, but that is part of the process. I always remember, - and wish him to remember too -, my better half's quote "It's not easy to be part of someone, but I'm never tired to try."